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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some parents think children's behavior should be strictly controlled, while other parents think children should be free to behave. Discuss both views and give examples.

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Some individuals believe that offspring should be strictly maintained about their behaviour,
whereas
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 others opine that they should behave without any interruption. I support the free movement of any child. Those who advocate strict control might argue that children are not well concerned about their norms.
As a result
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, they are not aware of their habits. Youngsters,
in particular
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, are habituated to fun activities, which are not always acceptable.
In addition
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, If they are free to behave, they might do some wrong tasks, which are not allowed in some cultures.
Moreover
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, to live in a society, it is a primary requirement for offspring to follow some cultural norms.
Otherwise
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, they are considered as bad ones. To avoid
this
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 type of blame, parents are trying to control the next generations from an early age.
For instance
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, primary teachers in Bangladesh always suggest offspring remain calm at any party or a parent meeting.
On the other hand
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, mental health is fully dependent on the free movement of human beings. Those who are free to move might think out of the box, which helps them to develop their cognitive skills.
Therefore
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, they involve themselves in finding the best solution in a critical situation.
For instance
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, pupils who remain engaged only in books, but avoid participating in real activities might not succeed in their lives.
Furthermore
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, tacit knowledge, which is unable to be achieved without taking real experiences, has a great impact on our lives.
Thus
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, it is mandatory to give the opportunity to achieve
this
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.
Additionally
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, it is true that an active child can easily adapt to any situation and prosper in his future life. In conclusion, it can be said that though it is important to control the behaviour of a child to maintain the norms, freedom is more important to enhance mental strength.
Thereafter
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, we can get an improved society.

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introduction conclusion present
Consider using a clear introductory paragraph that presents the overview of both views and your position on the topic. The lack of clear introduction lowers the score.
logical structure
To improve coherence, use clear and logical paragraphing where each paragraph focusses on a single main idea. Ensure the ideas flow naturally from one to the next, using appropriate linking words and phrases.
supported main points
Strengthen your main points with adequate and varied supportive content, such as reasoned arguments, explanations, or detailed examples drawn from a wider range of sources.
complete response
Ensure that your essay directly responds to all parts of the question. Discuss both views in equal detail and provide a clear personal position throughout the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop ideas fully to convey a clear and detailed response. Use specific examples to illustrate points where appropriate, and ensure ideas are explained comprehensively.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to support your points, ideally from real-world situations or recognisable contexts, to lend weight to your argument and to demonstrate an understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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