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Writing Samples
Band 7

J. Multinational companies are becoming increasingly common in developing countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

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Multinational
companies
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 are becoming increasingly common in developing
countries
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; the advantages are making the developing nation richer and
therefore
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, making it more competitive; the disadvantages are risking the traditional small
industries
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, and disputes because of the friction between different cultures. On the one hand, the main advantages for developing
countries
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 to hold more multinational
companies
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 are making own nation richer from their profits and producing a more competitive workforce in the next generations; governments can benefit from a part of the profits by multinational
companies
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 as taxes and
such
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companies
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 hire local
people
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, who are
then
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 influenced by the effective management of advanced cultures and inspired, leading the next generations.
For instance
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, SUZUKI Motors, one of the most competitive vehicle
companies
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, inspired
people
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 all around the world to make safe, small-sized cars with good fuel efficiency.
On the other hand
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, the disadvantages of
this
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 include: the shrinking of local traditional
industries
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 and disputes
as a consequence
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 of cultural friction, i.e. if fancy international
companies
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 were influential in the country, local
industries
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 of a similar kind would be eradicated without any countermeasure to compete with
this
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, and
such
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 international
companies
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 bring a lot of
people
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 from abroad and often fail to restrict behaviours of nuisance by workers, and
this
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 makes disputes. A good example of
this
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 phenomenon is the international schools abroad. There are many international schools of developed
countries
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 for developed country citizens in the middle of capital cities of developing
countries
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, whose students cause some troubles with local
people
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 living there because they are ignorant of local manners,
although
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 they are not intentional in most cases. In conclusion, as multinational
companies
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 are becoming increasingly common in developing
countries
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, developing nations are becoming richer and more competitive because of the positive influences,
while
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 they have some disadvantages
such
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 as risking the local small
industries
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 to decline, and cultural frictions because of the negative impacts.

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, try to elaborate more on the main points with additional details or examples. For instance, further discuss how cultural frictions manifest and the measures that can be taken to mitigate them.
task achievement
Improve the clarity of your ideas by ensuring each paragraph develops a single main point. Additionally, use more transitional phrases to link ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones. This will make your essay more digestible and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in understanding the arguments presented.
task achievement
Effective use of examples such as SUZUKI Motors and international schools abroad makes the arguments more relatable and concrete.
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