Some people like to travel outside their country. Others would rather travel to tourist spots in their own country first, before travelling abroad. Which do you prefer to do and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice.
Over the past few decades, the international tourism industry has gone through a boom period. Cheap air
travel
, in particular
, has allowed ordinary working-class people to travel
to more international destinations than ever before. In this
essay, I shall refer to a number of sociological studies to show why – contrary to popular opinion – domestic travel
should initially
take precedence over international travel
.
To begin
with, people’s knowledge of their own countries and cultures has grown increasingly sketchy. This
is largely because foreign brands, television shows and cultural objects flood local markets.
For example
, The Asian Cultural Society found that Japanese teenagers knew more about American television series than 19th-century Japanese woodcuts. It should therefore
be clear that citizens need to know much more about their own countries, and that visits to local cultural centres should occur before visits to remote countries.
Secondly
, people reap high economic benefits if they are well-travelled in their country of birth. This
is due to
local travel
, in particular
, opening up business opportunities.
For instance
, the Korean Society for Entrepreneurship found that 40% of successful start-up companies were run by individuals who had travelled extensively in Korea and sniffed out small openings in developmentally neglected areas. Seen in this
light, local travel
can also
be of vital economic significance
To conclude
, although
few would argue outright against foreign travel
, there are certainly reasons why domestic travel
is initially
preferable. In the future, as some of the hype surrounding foreign travel
dies down, these reasons will no doubt appear more attractive and conspicuous.Submitted by patelmeera on
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task achievement
Try to provide a little more insight or nuances in your examples to give a clearer and more comprehensive idea of the arguments you are presenting.
task achievement
Although your points are well-supported and logical, aiming for a bit more detailed explanation will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Consider including a few more transition words and phrases to further enhance the logical flow and connection between ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively encapsulates the main arguments.
supported main points
Main points are well-supported with specific examples, like those from reputable societies which lends credibility to your arguments.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay is strong, with each paragraph flowing coherently into the next.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.