IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

A museum near your home is looking for people to do unpaid work. You would like to do some voluntery work at the museum. write a letter to the museum director to apply for the volunteer work in your letter explain why ou want to do voluntary work at the museum describe some skills and qualities you have that would be useful give details of when you would be available for work

#museum #home #people #work #voluntery #director #volunteer #ou #skills #qualities
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Dear Sir/Madam, I'm writing
this
 letter in response to your recruitment advertisement for volunteers in the daily newspaper dated 2nd of April,2024. Understand from the advertisement that,
this
 volunteer position is to maintain IT
systems
 at the Museum. I take
this
 opportunity to express my interest in joining as a volunteer. I have completed postgraduate education in computer science and I'm currently working in one of the largest IT companies. I have vast experience in managing IT
systems
 at work. With my experience in IT, I'm confident in maintaining IT
systems
 at the Museum and ensuring they run smoothly without any hindrances to operations. Typically my work ends during weekdays and I have spare time over the weekends after finishing all my personal chores. I would like to utilize
this
 free time to serve the community by joining as a volunteer at the Museum and taking care of the operations of IT
systems
. I look forward to hearing from you to have
further
 conversation. Yours Faithfully,
Submitted by mahesh.malla on

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Task Achievement
While you've done an outstanding job detailing your skills and availability, including more specific reasons why you're interested in volunteering at the museum (beyond just utilizing free time) could enhance your letter.
Coherence & Cohesion
To further improve, consider a more personalized signing off instead of 'Yours Faithfully,' which is generally more appropriate for letters where the recipient's name is unknown. If the name is known, 'Yours sincerely,' would be a better choice.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your letter has a clear structure, each paragraph dedicated to a specific aspect of your application, making it easy to follow.
Task Achievement
The tone of your letter is appropriately formal and respectful, fitting the context of a volunteer application.
Task Achievement
You clearly stated your relevant skills and experiences, making a strong case for your suitability for the role.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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