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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays both scientists and tourists can go to remote natural environments such as the South Pole. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#scientists #tourists #environments #pole #development
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In
this
 modern day, travelling to
places
 off the beaten track like the South Pole is no longer an elusive dream for not only
scientists
 but
also
 tourists.
While
this
 brings about some undeniable benefits, I would argue that the drawbacks are greater. On the one hand, it is beneficial for both
scientists
 and tourists to be able to visit remote natural
places
.
Firstly
, it allows
scientists
 to conduct practical research or experiments.
For example
,
scientists
 can have a closer look at the habitat or the characteristic
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 of the
indigenous
Capitalize word
Indigenous
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 animals there
such
 as penguins and whale seals.
Secondly
, travel agencies will gain profit when travelling to isolated
places
 becomes feasible. The South Pole is unquestionably a fascinating destination compared to other familiar
places
 of interest around the world and will attract a massive influx of visitors
as a result
.
On the other hand
, it seems to me that the potential risks involved in
this
 development deserve more consideration. One reason is that the trip to remote areas
such
 as the South Pole poses great dangers to visitors. The weather there is consistently severe with a multitude of snow storms and snowslides
not to mention
 tourists are under threat of being attacked by wild animals.
Furthermore
, travelling to these
places
 can be extremely costly.
Huge
Correct article usage
A huge
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 investment in transportation and equipment is of indispensable necessity in order to ensure
absolute
Add an article
the absolute
show examples
 safety of visitors.
As a result
of
Change preposition
apply
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these trips only serve a certain number of upper-class people
whereas
 considered unaffordable for those with lower income. In conclusion,
although
 there are good reasons why travelling to remote natural
places
 should be in contemplation, I hold a strong belief that the setbacks outweigh its advantages.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally clear and coherent, make sure to use linking devices more consistently to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This helps the reader to follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
You may want to refine your thesis statement to make it more compelling. Adding specific reasons in your introduction for why the disadvantages outweigh the advantages can make your argument stronger from the outset.
task achievement
Consider providing more detailed examples or elaboration, especially in the second paragraph discussing the disadvantages. This helps to strengthen your main points and makes your argument more persuasive.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and provides a good overview of the topic. It sets the stage well for your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your position and reinforces the main points discussed in your essay. This leaves a strong final impression on the reader.
supported main points
You have presented both sides of the argument and provided a balanced view before concluding with your stance. This demonstrates good critical thinking skills.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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