IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#salary #job #satisfaction
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It is undeniable that work plays a vital role in human life.
This
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 is the reason why many individuals think that a substantial income is much more crucial than the satisfaction of a
job
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. I personally disagree with
this
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 viewpoint for many
reasons
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,
described
Correct word choice
as described
show examples
 in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, the major reason that some
people
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 believe that a high salary is more significant than
job
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 satisfaction is that it is true to say that money does not always bring you happiness, but it is essential for survival and having a good quality of life. To illustrate, folks who come from a low-income family opt for a high-paying
job
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instead
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 of the
job
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 they love because they must support their families.
Furthermore
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, the amount of money obtained from the
job
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 they like cannot afford to buy things they want.
In other words
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, some
people
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 have a lot of expenses
such
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 as the rent for accommodation, telephone bills, electricity bills, clothes,
as well as
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 accessories.
As a result
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, they decided to choose a hire-salary
job
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 rather than their preferred jobs but have a lower income.
On the other hand
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, one of the obvious
reasons
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 that I disagree with the idea is that doing unfulfilled work for a long time can have a negative effect on mental health.
For example
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, I know many
people
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 who are suffering from burnout and always look forward to holidays and days off because they are dissatisfied with their working life. On top of that, doing what you love can be extremely beneficial to your career progression.
That is
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 to say, when you are passionate about your work, you will be motivated to contribute significantly.
Therefore
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, you will receive a higher income
due to
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 your achievements. To summarize,
although
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 there are numerous
reasons
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 why
people
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 say that a significant salary is more essential than
job
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 satisfaction, I strongly disagree with
this
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 notion for many
reasons
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by yanaphonthi on

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Coherence & Cohesion
You’ve done an excellent job providing a structured and coherent argument. To elevate your essay further, consider varying your sentence structures for improved readability and engagement.
Task Achievement
To refine your task achievement, focus on providing even more detailed examples and discussing their implications. This will deepen the impact of your argument and demonstrate comprehensive understanding.
Task Achievement
You demonstrated strong understanding by presenting both sides of the argument before stating your position.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
You've provided clear and relevant examples that support your main points, enhancing the persuasiveness of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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