IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many governments think that economic progress is the most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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These days, many governments claim that economic growth is the most crucial prospect for countries,
however
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, some
people
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 advocate that other fields,
such
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 as
education
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 and
health
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 centres, equally deserve to be taken into consideration by the
government
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.
While
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 economic progress may have a strong influence on the lives of the public in different ways, l admit that
education
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 and
health
Use synonyms
-related progress can have more benefits. Nowadays, there is a debate about the importance of economic success as opposed to others.
Firstly
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, economic growth can have an integral role in every country, as an engine.
In other words
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, the economy promotes markets financially, offering various opportunities for the public. Economic growth not only gives solutions to problems but simultaneously improves the reputation of a country, among others.
This
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 often results in increasing the number of future extra outcomes and building economic relationships between each other by supporting each other.
Additionally
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, economic progress yields a better lifestyle for
people
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, meaning that it increases the proportion of salaries and avoids financial difficulties,
such
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 as apartment fees, rent for cars and affordability of necessary products by providing monetary benefits.
However
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, there are even other fields that the
government
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 undeniably has to stay
alertto
Correct your spelling
alert to
alert
. First of all,
education
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 is another area to which the
government
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 has to give significant attention. The rise in population all over the world leads to a dependence on those who think out of the box, critically, and wisely.
Such
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people
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 are often the main reason for being economically powerful.
Additionally
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, the
government
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 should work toward
health
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centers
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centres
show examples
 in order to keep
people
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 healthy from harmful diseases,
such
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 as cancer, heart issues and blood pressure. Because the rise of countries' budgets mainly relies on the public's
health
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 and intelligence all the time. Ultimately, keeping
people
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 healthy and educated may be a major task for the
government
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. As long as
this
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 is done by the
government
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 wisely, they can avoid the economic downturn completely, leading to take place from high-ranked countries.
For example
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, America and the UK are the prime examples of which are economically rich with the help of healthy and intelligent
people
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. In conclusion,
although
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 the economic rise is a must-do task for the
government
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 for a peaceful life, I believe that
education
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 and
health
Use synonyms
 centres are the main sources of economic development.

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by ensuring each point flows smoothly into the next. Right now, the transitions between some paragraphs and within paragraphs could be more fluid.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from clearer comprehensive ideas. While your main points are clear, some sentences are slightly repetitive or could be more succinct. Try to refine and clarify your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. While your points are valid, concrete examples strengthen your arguments and make your writing more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your arguments well.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively and covers both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced view.
overall
You use appropriate language and vocabulary to express your ideas clearly, which makes your essay easy to understand.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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