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Writing Samples
Band 7

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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People living in
this
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 global village may be concerned about news-related neighbours,
such
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 as the economy or so, as adjacent
countries
Use synonyms
 coexist like a mutual melting pot.
Moreover
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, it is true that one nation is easily affected by other
countries
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. In
this
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 context, I disagree with the view of only concern with their communities and
countries
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, the world is composed of many
countries
Use synonyms
 that have no reason to abandon one another. The best example of cooperating and collaborating with each other like a family is the European Union, forming to boost and facilitate their economy, including reducing tariffs on products and loan support. The relationships among
this
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 big community are not only focusing on themselves because every step may poss unexpected fluctuant waves and influence the stock market. Nowadays, crossing
countries
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 is convenient and easy to get access to, leading to an increasing number of migrations. People have a possibility to live with various nations.
Thus
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, it would be no excuse to lend a hand.
On the other hand
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, a nation is only concerned with itself,
such
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 as investing money into the stock market
,
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apply
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 and supporting domestic industries like Samsung, which would be prosperous and provide ample job vacancies because the government takes a huge backup of consolidating the economic entity.
Additionally
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, establishing educational institutions with unique cultural adaption could shorten the learning process and be the fastest growing.
However
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, it would not easily survive by itself because sometimes it may encounter difficulties,
such
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 as deflation and hyperinflation, resulting in bankruptcy and other uncertainties. I believe that each community should have an obligation to support underprivileged
countries
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. In conclusion, individuals cannot live with themselves, as nations can efficiently and effectively coexist with other
countries
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' support of
overall
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 quality of life. I believe that the global village should help everyone in the world who needs assistance.

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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a generally good understanding of the topic but occasionally lacks clarity in its arguments. To enhance the coherence of the essay, try to ensure smoother transitions between your ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Improve the clarity and complexity of your ideas by incorporating more specific examples and developing your arguments further. Ensure each point you make directly supports your main argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured and clearly present your stance on the topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, offering a clear opinion and supporting it with multiple points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global interconnectivity
  • international cooperation
  • ethics
  • moral obligation
  • geographical borders
  • diplomatic relations
  • economic stability
  • global security
  • resource allocation
  • expertise
  • international aid
  • dependency and development
  • sustainable solutions
  • local and global initiatives
  • community resilience
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