Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc.to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There is a debate between two distinct groups of
people
that, young pupils should go to college for further
studies. Whereas
, some should think that,
they be encouraged to work as a mechanics or construction worker etc.
From my perspective, I think, young Remove the comma
apply
people
should go for attending
Change preposition
to attend
further
studies, for the better good for
their own career.
Change preposition
of
Firstly
, The people
who argue with the statement
that,
Education is an important aspect Remove the comma
apply
in
the life of young Change preposition
of
people
. I completely support with
Change preposition
apply
this
statement
because, Nowadays, There is
a lot of challenges in the recruitment area for job purposes. Correct subject-verb agreement
are
In various
job recruitment agencies, Change preposition
Various
they
mainly look for skilled Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
, the
Correct article usage
apply
people
who good
at the job and Add a missing verb
are good
having
a graduate degree, rather than having none. So, In Wrong verb form
have
this
case, Degree graduate
have Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
higher
preference in the field of work. Add an article
a higher
Moreover
, there is also
an
another advantage to the degree graduate is that, they will have a higher payout compared to those who Remove the article
apply
doesn't
have any educational studies.
Change the verb form
don't
Secondly
, the statement
that,
Remove the comma
apply
people
think that young people
should work as a
builders or construction Correct article usage
apply
worker
is Fix the agreement mistake
workers
due to
some other reasons and they are depicted below this
paragraph.
The main reason is that,
they could save the tuition fee, and could spend that particular money for investing for their future needs. Remove the comma
apply
For example
, Buisness
Correct your spelling
business
purpose
, stocking etc.
In Conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
i
believe thatChange the capitalization
I
,
the first Remove the comma
apply
statement
have
more advantages than the second thought, Correct subject-verb agreement
has
people
who are arguing.Submitted by akashjoseph88 on
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logical structure
The essay could benefit from a clearer logical structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more robust. The introduction should clearly set up what the essay will discuss, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points and restate your opinion.
supported main points
Main points need more development and support. Use specific examples and explanations to back up your statements. This will help in achieving a higher score for task achievement.
complete response
Make sure all parts of the task are fully addressed. The essay should consider both viewpoints more comprehensively and evenly.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive to make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive. Some statements are too broad and need further elaboration.
relevant specific examples
Include more specific examples relevant to the topic. This will help to illustrate your points better.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a basic structure to the essay.
complete response
The essay discusses both viewpoints required by the task.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.