Many countries are spending a huge amount of money on supporting their competitor to take part in some worldwide sports competitions. Others argue that it would be better if these countries can spend the money on children to take part in sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #amount #money #competitor #part #sports #competitions #children

While

investing in competitors to take part in worldwide

sports

tournaments or providing

children

with

sports

are beneficial, I agree that offering juveniles

sports

would result in a better outcome. It's important to ensure that

children

can play a range of

sports

because it improves their average health. Doing

sports

has a positive impact on not only their cardiovascular health but

also

their mental one.

For instance

, authorities facilitate to help

children

play

sports

therefore

youths who play basketball are able to grow muscles in their arms,

while

taking part in football can improve critical thinking and endurance.

Therefore

, helping take

sports

for a

while

can make

children

more active and well-behaved. Some nations spend their budgets on national competitors because they want to contribute to the compilation of titles and high results. As they achieve medals and titles, those will be honoured as national

sports

statistics and

therefore

grow good reputations for those countries as having had a strong

sports

tradition.

However

, I believe that it is not as beneficial as guaranteeing every child to take

sports

. Candidates are

also

likely to perform badly at tournaments and end up without a prize, and the investments put in would be a waste of money. For these reasons, it is recommended to value

children

's well-being higher than those of national participants.

Sports

' effects are capable of keeping juveniles away from leading a sedentary lifestyle.

For instance

, funding offered to introduce a new kind of sport to a passive child may stimulate them and make them stay away from the TV and start taking outdoor

sports

. In conclusion, improving national

sports

milestones can be good in some ways. It is more beneficial to pay to assist every young person to play

sports

this

helps them enhance their well-being and lead a wholesome lifestyle

Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on Sun Jul 14 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay addresses the prompt well and provides a balanced discussion on the issue. However, the transitions between some paragraphs could be smoother. Improve the flow of ideas by using transitional phrases and ensuring each paragraph connects well with the previous one.

task achievement

Make sure to fully elaborate on your examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments. More detailed explanations and examples will help bolster your points and make your essay more convincing.

task achievement

Your introduction clearly presents your viewpoint that supporting children in sports has better outcomes than investing in national competitors. This sets a strong foundation for your argument.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively restates your main argument and reinforces your position without introducing new ideas, providing a clear end to your essay.

task achievement

Your essay stays relevant to the task and addresses both sides of the argument, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

302 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many countries are spending a huge amount of money on supporting their competitor to take part in some worldwide sports competitions. Others argue that it would be better if these countries can spend the money on children to take part in sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

People now days send text massages more frequently than they talk the phone. What are the reasons for this trend ? Do the advantages of texting out weigh the disadvantages ?

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinions.

University should accept the equal number of male and female student in each subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement

Task 2 Some countries import a large amount of food from other parts of the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree.