Many countries are spending a huge amount of money on supporting their competitor to take part in some worldwide sports competitions. Others argue that it would be better if these countries can spend the money on children to take part in sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
While
investing in competitors to take part in worldwide sports
tournaments or providing children
with sports
are beneficial, I agree that offering juveniles sports
would result in a better outcome.
It's important to ensure that children
can play a range of sports
because it improves their average health. Doing sports
has a positive impact on not only their cardiovascular health but also
their mental one. For instance
, authorities facilitate to help children
play sports
, therefore
youths who play basketball are able to grow muscles in their arms, while
taking part in football can improve critical thinking and endurance. Therefore
, helping take sports
for a while
can make children
more active and well-behaved.
Some nations spend their budgets on national competitors because they want to contribute to the compilation of titles and high results. As they achieve medals and titles, those will be honoured as national sports
statistics and therefore
grow good reputations for those countries as having had a strong sports
tradition. However
, I believe that it is not as beneficial as guaranteeing every child to take sports
. Candidates are also
likely to perform badly at tournaments and end up without a prize, and the investments put in would be a waste of money.
For these reasons, it is recommended to value children
's well-being higher than those of national participants. Sports
' effects are capable of keeping juveniles away from leading a sedentary lifestyle. For instance
, funding offered to introduce a new kind of sport to a passive child may stimulate them and make them stay away from the TV and start taking outdoor sports
.
In conclusion, improving national sports
milestones can be good in some ways. It is more beneficial to pay to assist every young person to play sports
as this
helps them enhance their well-being and lead a wholesome lifestyleSubmitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay addresses the prompt well and provides a balanced discussion on the issue. However, the transitions between some paragraphs could be smoother. Improve the flow of ideas by using transitional phrases and ensuring each paragraph connects well with the previous one.
task achievement
Make sure to fully elaborate on your examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments. More detailed explanations and examples will help bolster your points and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents your viewpoint that supporting children in sports has better outcomes than investing in national competitors. This sets a strong foundation for your argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively restates your main argument and reinforces your position without introducing new ideas, providing a clear end to your essay.
task achievement
Your essay stays relevant to the task and addresses both sides of the argument, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite