It is wrong to become wealthy through unethical business practices, even if it helps society. Do you agree?

Whether it is acceptable to become wealthy through unethical
business
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practices
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remains a topic of debate, especially when these actions appear to help society. I firmly agree that it is wrong, as exploiting workers and harming animals cannot be justified, even if some
practices
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like child begging seem necessary in extreme situations. One clear example of unethical
business
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is the exploitation of workers through unfair pay and unsafe conditions. In parts of Africa,
for instance
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, diamond miners often work in extremely dangerous environments for very little money.
While
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the industry may provide jobs in poor communities, it takes advantage of people’s desperation and fails to provide fair compensation. Profiting from someone else’s lack of choice is morally wrong, even if it offers temporary employment. Another common unethical practice involves cruelty toward animals, especially in the fashion industry. High-end clothing brands often use animal fur or leather in their products, despite the suffering involved in their production. Consumers may enjoy the beauty or luxury of
such
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items, but
this
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benefit to society is built on the mistreatment of living creatures. Gaining wealth at the expense of animal welfare reflects a clear lack of ethics. Some may argue that unethical
business
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practices
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,
such
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as child begging, are necessary in certain circumstances.
For example
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, in poor families, parents may send their children to beg on the streets to afford food.
While
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this
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may help the family in the short term, the children involved often miss out on education and are denied a better future. Helping one generation survive by sacrificing the next is not a justifiable path to success. In conclusion, despite creating employment, satisfying consumer needs, and supporting struggling families in the short term, unethical
business
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practices
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inflict lasting harm on workers and animals. If wealth is built on suffering or exploitation, it cannot be considered morally acceptable.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next one. Use linking words to improve flow.
task achievement
Provide a clearer outline of your main points in the introduction to guide the reader.
task achievement
Try to include more examples or evidence to support each main point for a stronger argument.
task achievement
The essay presents clear opinions with strong arguments and examples.
coherence and cohesion
Each main point is discussed in separate paragraphs, making the structure clear.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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