IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

in some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. why might this be the case? do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

#countries #home #people #be #case #situation
It is argued by many
people
 that having a
house
 is an important part of their life, especially for the
people
 of Indonesia since it will be the higher achievement of their entire life.
However
, others argue that renting a
house
 is preferable since the price of residents is unaffordable. In some
ethnicity
Fix the agreement mistake
ethnicities
show examples
, having a traditional
house
 in Indonesia serves not only as a place to stay but
also
 as a symbol of status in society.
For instance
, leader of Javanese ethnicity often builds their
house
 using a special wood called "jati" which takes many years to grow.
Therefore
,
this
 wood is only afforded by certain
people
such
 as
ethnicity
Replace the word
ethnic
show examples
 leaders. Given the cost of buying a property could reach a lifetime mortgage, renting a
house
 could be a viable option for some
people
 who at least need a place to stay.
This
 could be true, especially for some
people
 who live in
a big cities
Correct the article-noun agreement
a big city
big cities
show examples
 where the availability of land that limited. In conclusion,
although
 owning a
house
 is everybody's dream,
however
, for some
people
 might not have the financial ability to afford it.
Thus
, the rental option could solve
this
 problem. So everybody can have a place to live.
Submitted by nourmarasyidah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and relevant support. For example, separate the arguments for owning a house and renting into distinct paragraphs, each elaborating on the reasons with more relevant examples.
language
Try to improve the range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the overall readability and fluency of the essay.
content
The introduction clearly states the topic and presents the contrasting views on owning versus renting a home.
content
The essay discusses cultural and financial reasons behind the preference for owning a home, which adds depth to the task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
What to do next:
Look at other essays: