The diagram below illustrates the process by which bricks are made for the building industry. Summarie the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below illustrates the process by which bricks are made for the building industry. 

Summarie the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The
shown
Verb problem
apply
show examples
diagram illustrates the procedure of making machine-made
brick
Fix the agreement mistake
bricks
show examples
.
Overall
, there are several raw materials,
such
as
clay
, water,
sand
Correct word choice
and sand
show examples
. There are some stages to
produce
Wrong verb form
producing
show examples
a
brick
.
Process
Add an article
The process
show examples
begins with
excavator
Correct article usage
the excavator
show examples
digging the
clay
and ends with delivering a batch of
bricks
to
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
place.
First
of all, a digger digs
a
Remove the article
clay
a lump of clay
show examples
clay
from the ground. Dug
clay
is placed on
metal
Add an article
a metal
show examples
grid,
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
rolling it
Wrong verb form
rolled
show examples
on a roller to divide huge and small pieces from each other.
After
this
, there are 2 ways to give the
brick
the shape. The
first
way is
clay
going through a machine which gives the form of
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
rectangle, sliced into pieces obtaining
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
rectangle form. The second way is putting
a
Remove the article
clay
a lump of clay
show examples
clay
into a mould, getting the
brick
shape afterwards. In both ways, the sand and the water are added before
clay
Correct article usage
the clay
show examples
gets its shape. The 4th step is to leave a batch of semi-ready
bricks
in a drying oven for 1-2 days. After drying it, objects get to the special machine, which contains 3 parts. The
first
two are kilns, and the
last
one is
cooling
Add an article
the cooling
a cooling
show examples
chamber. In the
first
kiln, the
bricks
are moderately heated to 200-900 degrees Celsius.
Thereafter
, the second kiln is way hotter than the
first
one, heating the
bricks
to 870-1300 degrees Celsius. Boiling
bricks
are cooled in a chamber for 2 to 3 days.
Finally
, after the cooling is finished, the
bricks
are packaged and transported to a certain destination.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words brick, clay, bricks, first with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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