IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The diagram below illustrates the process by which bricks are made for the building industry. Summarie the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below illustrates the process by which bricks are made for the building industry. Summarie the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#process #bricks #industry #summarie #information #features #comparisons
The
shown
Verb problem
apply
show examples
diagram illustrates the procedure of making machine-made
brick
Fix the agreement mistake
bricks
show examples
.
Overall
, there are several raw materials,
such
 as
clay
, water,
sand
Correct word choice
and sand
show examples
. There are some stages to
produce
Wrong verb form
producing
show examples
 a
brick
.
Process
Add an article
The process
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 begins with
excavator
Correct article usage
the excavator
show examples
 digging the
clay
 and ends with delivering a batch of
bricks
 to
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
 place.
First
 of all, a digger digs
a
Remove the article
clay
a lump of clay
show examples
clay
 from the ground. Dug
clay
 is placed on
metal
Add an article
a metal
show examples
 grid,
then
Correct word choice
and then
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rolling it
Wrong verb form
rolled
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 on a roller to divide huge and small pieces from each other.
After
this
, there are 2 ways to give the
brick
 the shape. The
first
 way is
clay
 going through a machine which gives the form of
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
 rectangle, sliced into pieces obtaining
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
 rectangle form. The second way is putting
a
Remove the article
clay
a lump of clay
show examples
clay
 into a mould, getting the
brick
 shape afterwards. In both ways, the sand and the water are added before
clay
Correct article usage
the clay
show examples
 gets its shape. The 4th step is to leave a batch of semi-ready
bricks
 in a drying oven for 1-2 days. After drying it, objects get to the special machine, which contains 3 parts. The
first
 two are kilns, and the
last
 one is
cooling
Add an article
the cooling
a cooling
show examples
 chamber. In the
first
 kiln, the
bricks
 are moderately heated to 200-900 degrees Celsius.
Thereafter
, the second kiln is way hotter than the
first
 one, heating the
bricks
 to 870-1300 degrees Celsius. Boiling
bricks
 are cooled in a chamber for 2 to 3 days.
Finally
, after the cooling is finished, the
bricks
 are packaged and transported to a certain destination.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words brick, clay, bricks, first with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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