IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
There are widely differing views on the issue of whether university
students
 should pursue other
subjects
along with
 their main academic one or merely concentrate on their main subject.
While
 some may still hold to the conservative view, in
this
 essay I intend to argue that attaining other
skills
 would be more beneficial in
students
' future lives. The reasons for
this
 are as follows. On one hand, some contend that in order to be qualified in the future occupation, it is vitally important that university
students
 concentrate on their main courses and consider learning other
skills
 a waste of time and energy. They suggest that if people wish to be successful in their jobs, they should be consistent in pursuing their main courses rather than following other irrelevant
skills
 and
subjects
. It is,
therefore
, highly unlikely that they operate in their occupation inaccurately.
Nevertheless
, I strongly believe that investigating in learning other complementary
subjects
 is essential for the sake of a flourishing life in the future. Of course, having spent all the university time on the main subject would guarantee to qualify in that particular subject,
however
, imagine the failure that would occur if
students
 refused to learn
such
 another language as Japanese or Spanish
as well as
 gain marketing
skills
 to broaden their occupational domain in an international scale.
Hence
, I feel that
in addition
 to the main academic courses, learning other
subjects
 would be entirely justified. By way of conclusion, I believe that living in a technology era where everything is updated daily, demands acquiring more additional expertise
that is
 crucial in the occupational life of the 21st century.
Submitted by golriiz.azizi1991 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Although the essay presents a well-structured argument, adding more specific examples and evidence to support the claims would strengthen it. Including real-world scenarios or statistics could enhance the persuasiveness of your points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that every paragraph explicitly links to the main topic and each other. While your argument is clear, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Ensure logical flow by using appropriate linking words and phrases.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion, presenting both viewpoints clearly and stating your position.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly wraps up your argument, reiterating your stance and summarizing the key points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
Look at other essays: