IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#universities #numbers #students
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There is a view advocating for equal figures of university students' acceptance in order of sexuality in every majority.
This
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 essay will explore
this
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 perspective and illustrate why I strongly disagree with
this
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 opinion. To commence with, in
this
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 contemporary world, most societies endorse quality and condemn disparity in race and sex.
Whereas
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, the distribution of males and females in different countries is predominantly dissimilar,
subsequently
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, equivalent gender acceptance in universities will lead to discrimination.
For instance
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, the rate of
women
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 in Russia is some a third greater than
men
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hence
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, female students portion will be higher than males
consequently
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.
Moreover
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, obviously, there is a significant difference between
men
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's and
women
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's abilities and talents, so unlikeliness
men
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 have outstanding performance in some specific jobs
while
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women
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 are superior and some others.
furthermore
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, since people study in college to seek a relevant job after graduation, some positions are more suitable for females
while
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 some jobs are masculine.
for example
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,
however
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, females are good at working with kids
due to
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 their superior patience,
while
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men
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 outperform in vehicles and engine systems.
Additionally
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, some majorities like midwifery are feminine, and patients
also
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 are more comfortable
women
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 whilst
men
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 are more professional in surgery fields.
To sum up
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,
although
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 the given statement argues that universities should regulate students' gender equally in every subject, I firmly disagree with it,
according to
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 inequality in gender quota in some societies, their right to education and variety in inherent skills between
men
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 and
women
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in addition
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 to jobs requirements Priorities
Submitted by ali.homayoni93 on

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task achievement
Your response addresses the task adequately, but it would be helpful to further develop some of your arguments to make a comprehensive case.
coherence cohesion
There are minor grammatical mistakes and awkward phrases that can disrupt the flow of your essay. Proofread your work to enhance fluency.
coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring that each paragraph has a main idea clearly supported by relevant examples or evidence. This will strengthen your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a coherent structure with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You successfully provide relevant examples to support your main points, which makes your argument more persuasive.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
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