IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people prefer to live alone. Others enjoy sharing a house with family or friends. Do the advantages of living with others outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #house #friends
In recent years, some
people
 have been discussing whether the benefits of sharing a house with others overshadow the drawbacks or not, with
people
 believing the downsides outweigh the benefits. In
this
 essay, I will debate and explain my opinion about
this
 topic. On the one hand, there are some problems in living with others for two reasons.
Firstly
, those who use the same house need to respect their personal lifestyle, which gets slightly stressed by each other.
Additionally
, living with friends makes it difficult to spend personal time, which might not focus solely on their tasks and situations.
Furthermore
, they should control the time that use the bathroom or even take showers.
For example
, many
people
 who live with other folk have experienced a lot of inconvenient situations
due to
 these reasons.
On the other hand
, sharing housing with
people
 exerts a positive effect on the budget.
Firstly
, they can save money because they pay together for electronic fees and water tax.
Secondly
, when one has some issues or bad emotions they are able to express their emotion and share their difficult things in various fields, which can resolve significant stress.
For instance
,
according to
 a recent survey, living with friends is beneficial to get less stress. In my opinion,
while
 it is undeniable that some
people
 are exposed to some negative influences through sharing housing, I firmly believe that living with others helps their health.
Submitted by garim4645 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to structure your paragraphs more clearly. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. Linking words or phrases can help guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Although your introduction and conclusion are present, ensure they are more developed. Summarize your main points clearly in the conclusion.
task achievement
Provide more specific and detailed examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, presenting both the advantages and disadvantages of living with others.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which gives it a clear structure.
task achievement
The points made are relevant to the topic and show an understanding of the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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