In many countries it is now illegal to advetise alcohol. Do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, it is now illegal to advertise
alcohol
. I agree with
this
idea because it helps public
health
and society.
Firstly
, banning
alcohol
ads
can improve public
health
. Drinking
alcohol
is linked to many
health
problems, like liver disease and cancer. Without
alcohol
ads
, young people might find
alcohol
less appealing.
For example
, in France, teenage drinking went down after
alcohol
ads
were banned.
This
shows that fewer
ads
can lead to healthier choices and fewer
health
issues.
Secondly
, stopping
alcohol
ads
can make society safer.
Alcohol
abuse often leads to problems like drunk driving and violence. By limiting
alcohol
ads
, we can reduce these incidents.
For instance
, in Norway, where
alcohol
ads
are strictly controlled, there are fewer
alcohol
-related accidents and crimes.
This
means less exposure to
alcohol
ads
can help make a safer community. In conclusion, I support the ban on
alcohol
ads
because it helps public
health
and makes society safer. By not glamorizing
alcohol
, especially to young people, we can create healthier communities and reduce
alcohol related
Add a hyphen
alcohol-related
show examples
problems.
Although
there are economic concerns, the
health
and safety benefits are more important.
Submitted by msharyhashem on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on the economic concerns mentioned in the conclusion to provide a balanced perspective. This will make your essay more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is well-organized, including a wider range of cohesive devices can enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Diversifying your examples beyond European countries could provide a more global perspective and strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear and consistent position on the topic, effectively supporting your point of view with relevant arguments and examples.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical and includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your arguments.
task achievement
The points are well-supported with specific examples, such as those from France and Norway, which make your arguments more convincing.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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