IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries it is now illegal to advetise alcohol. Do you agree or disagree?

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In many countries, it is now illegal to advertise
alcohol
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. I agree with
this
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 idea because it helps public
health
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 and society.
Firstly
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, banning
alcohol
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ads
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 can improve public
health
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. Drinking
alcohol
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 is linked to many
health
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 problems, like liver disease and cancer. Without
alcohol
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ads
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, young people might find
alcohol
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 less appealing.
For example
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, in France, teenage drinking went down after
alcohol
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ads
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 were banned.
This
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 shows that fewer
ads
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 can lead to healthier choices and fewer
health
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 issues.
Secondly
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, stopping
alcohol
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ads
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 can make society safer.
Alcohol
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 abuse often leads to problems like drunk driving and violence. By limiting
alcohol
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ads
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, we can reduce these incidents.
For instance
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, in Norway, where
alcohol
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ads
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 are strictly controlled, there are fewer
alcohol
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-related accidents and crimes.
This
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 means less exposure to
alcohol
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ads
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 can help make a safer community. In conclusion, I support the ban on
alcohol
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ads
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 because it helps public
health
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 and makes society safer. By not glamorizing
alcohol
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, especially to young people, we can create healthier communities and reduce
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alcohol related
Add a hyphen
alcohol-related
show examples
 problems.
Although
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 there are economic concerns, the
health
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 and safety benefits are more important.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on the economic concerns mentioned in the conclusion to provide a balanced perspective. This will make your essay more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is well-organized, including a wider range of cohesive devices can enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Diversifying your examples beyond European countries could provide a more global perspective and strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear and consistent position on the topic, effectively supporting your point of view with relevant arguments and examples.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical and includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your arguments.
task achievement
The points are well-supported with specific examples, such as those from France and Norway, which make your arguments more convincing.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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