In many countries it is now illegal to advetise alcohol. Do you agree or disagree?
In many countries, it is now illegal to advertise
alcohol
. I agree with this
idea because it helps public health
and society.
Firstly
, banning alcohol
ads
can improve public health
. Drinking alcohol
is linked to many health
problems, like liver disease and cancer. Without alcohol
ads
, young people might find alcohol
less appealing. For example
, in France, teenage drinking went down after alcohol
ads
were banned. This
shows that fewer ads
can lead to healthier choices and fewer health
issues.
Secondly
, stopping alcohol
ads
can make society safer. Alcohol
abuse often leads to problems like drunk driving and violence. By limiting alcohol
ads
, we can reduce these incidents. For instance
, in Norway, where alcohol
ads
are strictly controlled, there are fewer alcohol
-related accidents and crimes. This
means less exposure to alcohol
ads
can help make a safer community.
In conclusion, I support the ban on alcohol
ads
because it helps public health
and makes society safer. By not glamorizing alcohol
, especially to young people, we can create healthier communities and reduce alcohol related
problems. Add a hyphen
alcohol-related
Although
there are economic concerns, the health
and safety benefits are more important.Submitted by msharyhashem on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on the economic concerns mentioned in the conclusion to provide a balanced perspective. This will make your essay more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is well-organized, including a wider range of cohesive devices can enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Diversifying your examples beyond European countries could provide a more global perspective and strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear and consistent position on the topic, effectively supporting your point of view with relevant arguments and examples.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical and includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your arguments.
task achievement
The points are well-supported with specific examples, such as those from France and Norway, which make your arguments more convincing.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite