Some people say that physical education classes are an important part of a child's education. Others believe that it is more important to focus on academics during school time. discus both these views, and give your opinion.
In
this
contemporary world, everyone has a busy schedule because of that humans have stopped focusing on their physical health
, hence
, some believe that physical education
should be prioritised from a younger age and that schools must contribute to children's physical development
and mental health
. Others argue that schools should only focus on children's academic development
because of the growing competition and fewer opportunities in the current economy. I believe a more nuanced approach
is necessary.
According to
recent studies, daily physical activities, such
as sports and exercises can have a significant impact on children's development
, it not only focuses on their physical development
but also
on their mental health
. For instance
, exercising daily releases hormones, such
as endorphin and dopamine also
known as happy hormones which trigger happiness in the human body and contribute to their mental health
. Additionally
, regular physical activity also
improves concentration and academic performance.
On the contrary
, some argue that academic education
is more crucial than physical education
, as students
are in constant competition in this
economy, hence
they should focus on academics as it may help in the advancement of knowledge and critical thinking skills
, which are crucial in the information age. In contrast
, prioritizing academics might ensure that students
excel in core subjects, thus
potentially securing better future career opportunities.
In my opinion, a balanced approach
is necessary, schools must follow holistic
Correct article usage
a holistic
development
approach
for students
, as it focuses on overall
development
in students
including their cognitive, creative, emotional, academic and physical development
. For instance
, this
approach
can enhance skills
, such
as teamwork, social skills
, creative skills
and cognitive skills
in students
.
In conclusion, many believe educational institutes should include physical education
because of its several benefits but others argue that educational institutes should focus more on their education
for better career opportunities in future. However
, a balance is crucial and a holistic approach
must be followed as it will not only enhance their academic or physical development
but also
their cognitive, creative and social skills
.Submitted by somynarain12 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Ensure to fully elaborate on examples and their impacts. For instance, in the introduction of hormones such as endorphin and dopamine, including a specific study or survey would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on more seamless transitions between points to improve the logical flow. The discussion on the mental health benefits of physical education and the competition in academics should be linked more smoothly.
task response
The essay successfully shows a balanced perspective by discussing both views thoroughly, and it effectively concludes with a clear opinion and recommendation.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusive summary.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.