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Band 6.5

Young people in the modern world seem to have more power and influence than any previous young generation. Why is this case? What impact does this have on the relationship between old and young people?

#people #world #power #influence #generation #case #impact #relationship
It appears that today's youth hold more authority and sway than any previous generation of young
people
. In my essay, I will discuss some reasons why
this
 is happening in today's world and how
this
 development impacts their relationship with the elderly. First of all, the development of the internet significantly,
making
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
 young
people
 receive information and learn new things easily,
thus
 leading to the phenomenon that young
people
 are more influential in society.
For example
, nowadays, key opinion leaders will upload posts or videos to share their thoughts on social media, the messages will spread to audiences who use social media, and in fact,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
the key opinion leaders and target audiences are usually young adults in society, meanwhile, elderly will not able to catch up the newest information or trends,
due to
 they are not as familiar with new technologies as young
people
.
On the other hand
, the digital gap impacts the two generations, not all of the youth have the patience to teach the elderly, which results in the misunderstandings becoming deeper.
Additionally
, some families regard the elderly as a burden and send them to nursing homes, they will make an excuse that the elderly will receive professional care, but in fact,
this
 leads to the connection of families becoming weaker. In conclusion, the rise of technology has given young
people
 more influence in today's world, but it has
also
 created a gap in understanding between generations, leading to less communication and connection between young
people
 and the elderly.
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coherence cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more seamlessly to improve the logical flow of your writing. Use linking words and phrases to create a smoother transition between your points.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully developed with supporting details and examples. This will help in clearly conveying your ideas and achieving a higher score in task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented and help the reader understand the scope of your essay.
task achievement
You effectively addressed both questions posed in the topic, showing a good understanding of the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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