All students ought to study art and music in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Generally, society thinks that every student should learn
art
and
music
in school.
While
learning those subjects might improve the creativity of an individual, I completely disagree with
this
as learning both skills may not be relevant for a group of people who intend to pursue a different
career
path in the future. First of all, every student has a variety of passions and talents, and not all of them are interested in
art
and
music
. Some people may have talent and interest in academics,
such
as Mathematics and Science, and
thus
for them, studying both subjects was a waste of time because practising Mathematical and Scientific problems are crucial to sharpening their knowledge.
Hence
, forcing them to participate in
art
and
music
classes will only make them feel discouraged as those classes may demand more dedicated time to reach expertise. Other than that, I believe that every subject, including
art
and
music
, should not be forced on students, especially
for
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high schoolers who may have already decided on their major interests and
career
paths. In
this
matter, those who want to pursue their
career
as a scientist or an engineer,
for instance
, students should be led to enhance their skills in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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calculation in Mathematics and Physics,
as well as
mastering a computer skill, rather than learning
art
and
music
which might just stress them out in something irrelevant. In conclusion, studying
art
and
music
should be left as a choice to the students rather than an obligation as some groups of people might be passionate about something else and want to pursue a
career
that is
completely irrelevant to their expertise.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, discussing both sides of the argument. For further improvement, consider adding more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ideas are clear and comprehensive, with a strong opposition presented against teaching art and music as mandatory subjects. Ensure to maintain the clarity consistently by avoiding overly complex sentences.
coherence cohesion
There is a good logical structure, with a clear flow from introduction to conclusion. For enhancement, make sure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a well-structured introduction and conclusion, effectively presenting the writer's stance. To increase effectiveness, succinctly summarize the main points in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
While the main points are well-supported, including more varied evidence or perspectives could boost the argument's strength and depth.
task achievement
The essay successfully debates a common societal perception and conveys a strong personal viewpoint against mandatory art and music education.
coherence cohesion
Cohesion is maintained throughout, with logical progression in arguments presented in each paragraph.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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