All students ought to study art and music in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that children should learn artistry and musical
skills
while
in the academy.
Although
many people agree that there are more useful
skills
that we can learn for our future jobs, I think that learning to paint and create
music
is
also
a crucial need for our minds.
On the other hand
, it is true that not all people will need these
skills
for their future work.
Music
and art are not going to be requirements when you are attending job applications that correlate with computers, business, and others. But, creativity is an important aspect; as an employee, at some point, you will need creativity. One way to get
that is
by learning these subjects that can boost your brain, which lets you express yourself even more.
In addition
, exposure to different forms of art and
music
promotes cultural appreciation and social sensitivity, helping students develop a broader perspective.
This
kind of education encourages respect and understanding of different backgrounds and traditions.
For example
, moving to a new country may feel unfamiliar, but exploring the local
music
can help you gradually understand and appreciate the culture. Ultimately, these experiences nurture empathy and open-mindedness, valuable traits in today’s interconnected world. In conclusion,
although
art and
music
may not be directly needed in most careers, these subjects are essential for fostering creativity, cultural appreciation, and a broader perspective. By learning them, students develop
skills
that enrich personal growth and adaptability, making arts education a valuable addition to the school curriculum.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and develops it fully to enhance clarity.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument, particularly in relation to personal development.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the main points, providing a clear structure.
Task Achievement
The essay successfully addresses the prompt, offering a balanced perspective on the necessity of art and music education.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good use of transitional phrases and connectors helps maintain the flow of ideas throughout the essay.
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