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All students ought to study art and music in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #study #art #music #school
In the current time, the world of education has developed, and some people argue that
schools
 should include
art
 and
music
 lessons as a mandatory part of their curriculum.
Hence
,
this
 essay will discuss some arguments,
as well as
 present my own opinions as to why
art
 and
music
 should be studied.
Firstly
,
art
 and
music
 are an essential part of our lives.
Music
 and
art
 are common ways for people to express themselves. People write songs and draw based on their feelings and expressions.
Therefore
,
art
 and
music
 can be a great way for
students
 to learn to express themselves. Other than that,
music
 and
art
 can inspire them to be creative. Different types of
music
,
art
 mediums and styles can encourage them to have an ingenious mind. If
schools
 are able to teach these lessons to their
students
, it will greatly benefit them in growing their character.
On the contrary
, there are some cases where
students
 are not interested in either subject. Some of them prefer to do other forms of
art
,
such
 as literature.
However
, studying
art
 or
music
 can challenge them out of their comfort zones and enable them to explore new interests.
Furthermore
, they gain more knowledge about other hobbies by learning these two subjects, which teaches them more open to new things. A solution to
this
 problem is for
schools
 to give a proper yet fun introduction to these two subjects, which will intrigue them with the lesson.
To conclude
, learning
art
 and/or
music
 in
schools
 is a great way for
students
 to express their feelings,
as well as
 develop creativity.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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task achievement
While your essay is generally well-structured, the main points could benefit from further evidence and elaboration. Try to provide specific examples or case studies to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You could improve coherence by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your points.
task achievement
Consider addressing potential counterarguments more thoroughly to present a balanced view. This can make your argument more robust and persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay, outlining the main points you will discuss. This creates a clear roadmap for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is concise and reinforces the main points discussed in the body paragraphs, providing a strong end to your argument.
task achievement
You successfully articulate why art and music are important for personal development, offering reasonable arguments for making these subjects mandatory.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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