IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Other say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema. Disucss both these view and give your own opinions.

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In
this
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 modern era,with the help of new technologies
such
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 as phones and tablets it is easier for
people
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 to watch films at home which is cost-efficient
while
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 others think that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a
cinema
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. we will discuss both views in the upcoming paragraph. In my opinion, watching the
cinema
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 at home is a positive trend which helps you to save money and
time
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. To commence with, the first and foremost aspect is saving money and
time
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.To elaborate on
this
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, these days the ticket prices at
cinema
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 halls getting higher day by day which is difficult for some masses to afford and the prices of food are
also
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 very high as you cannot bring your own food to the
cinema
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 hall.so it's easy for
people
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 to watch movies on their own devices and it saves travelling
time
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 too.
For example
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,a survey conducted by World Film Studio indicates that every year their audience rate went down by 20 per cent.
Thus
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,it is a positive trend as it is cost-efficient.
Furthermore
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,
cinema
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 plays an important role in the growth of the country and it is a good spot to enjoy with your family.To explicate ,
cinema
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 provides a lot of job opportunities for every age group which helps
people
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 to live their dream life and it is the perfect destination to hang out with your family,friends and relatives.
For instance
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, the report presented by the World Bank shows that more than 5000
people
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 get a job every year.
Hence
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,it
also
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 helps to build strong relationships with our close ones. In conclusion, watching movies at home is cost efficient
whereas
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 it is important to spend
time
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 with family for which
cinema
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 hall is a good place to visit every month.In my opinion,
due to
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 the unemployment rate getting high, it is a good decision to save money rather than spend on unusual activities for your future.

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task response
Ensure that the introduction provides a clear thesis statement and outlines the main points that will be discussed. This helps to guide the reader through your argument.
task response
While your main points are generally clear, try to make your arguments and examples more comprehensive and detailed. This will strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
Work on your paragraph transitions and try to make them smoother to enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the body paragraphs and restates the thesis in a new light.
task response
The essay provides relevant examples, such as the World Film Studio survey and the World Bank report, to support the main points.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear conclusion that summarizes your main arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Convenience
  • Accessibility
  • Cost-effective
  • Technological advancements
  • Social outing
  • Immersive experience
  • Cinematic quality
  • Nostalgia
  • Tradition
  • Distractions
  • High-quality screens
  • Sound systems
  • Visual effects
  • Cinematography
  • Darkened environment
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