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Band 6

Many companies sponsor sports as a way of advertising themselves. Some people think this is good for the world of sports, while others think it is negative. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#companies #sponsor #sports #people #world
It is already common for many
companies
 to invest in
sports
 to advertise themselves.
Although
 some believe that
this
 situation is positive
due to
 its own advantages because it can raise awareness among people about
brands
, I totally disagree with the statement and support those arguing that it is negative as it can negatively influence both
companies
 and
sports
players
 in some cases. On the one hand, it is argued that financing
sports
 by big
brands
 to advertise their brand products is
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 for a valid reason;
this
 reason is increasing awareness among people about famous firms.
In other words
, some people think that if a new firm starts its own business and wants to find a faster way to find customers, it may be the best way to put the money into
sports
.
This
 is just because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
sports
 games are displayed on TV and social media to an audience. By doing so, they can promote their goods
as well as
 their
brands
, as there are a lot of unaware
sports
 fans in the world.
As a result
,
sports
 sponsorship provides increased media exposure for a company and its goods. I,
however
, believe there are other ways to do so. 
On the other hand
, others assert that advertising products by
companies
 in
sports
 may have
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
show examples
 consequences for
sports
players
as well as
 the
companies
.
This
 implies that if some
companies
 advertise products harmful to health or unpalatable for individuals, it may decrease the popularity and status of the
sports
 team or cause antipathy among the public.
Moreover
, the case can be reversed.
This
 suggests that
players
 on the team who do drugs or misbehave will have negative outcomes for the business, and vice versa. In some circumstances, if the
players
 are unsuccessful, it might affect product sales.
As a consequence
, in these cases, funding
sports
 to advertise can be adverse. All things considered,
while
 some contend that it has benefits and that
this
 situation is good because it can raise public awareness of
brands
, I completely disagree with
this
 assertion and stand with those who contend that it is bad because it occasionally has a negative impact on both businesses and athletes.
Submitted by minimix1203 on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating more on your points with relevant specific examples or cases to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Work on enhancing the clarity of some ideas. While generally clear, a few sentences are slightly convoluted. Shorter, more direct sentences may help.
coherence cohesion
Aim for a smoother flow between ideas by using a wider variety of cohesive devices and transition words.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, addressing both sides of the argument before stating the author's opinion. This shows a clear understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure in the essay with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, clearly stating the topic and summarizing the main points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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