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Writing Samples
Band 6

Caring of children is an important thing of the society. It is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take training courses. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #society #mothers #fathers #courses
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Living in a modern time, which is full of changes, is not an easy thing for all individuals around the world, especially for parents. Since society depends on human beings, raising a baby is impactful to our environment. Yet, it is considerable whether every parent cares about their juvenile in a suitable way or not.
Hence
, to create a comfortable and the best society, parents should be led by a training course. No one had been taught to a parent. People are more likely to make mistakes with their first-borns. Being a guardian of someone who suddenly starts to take responsibility for the first time is shocking
due to
 the lack of experience.
Also
, it is possible to be the beginning of depression. So, being prepared both physically and mentally could be a great reason to be a good parent. In a lot of cases, most of the criminals tend to be an orphan and have dad or mom issues. Because traumas of childhood leave a dark spot for their life-long memories. Criminals or maybe thieves were
also
 just children. They only needed good treatment from their parents.
To sum up
, the most important part of being a human is childhood. It is even possible to prevent any crimes just by raising a child correctly to make the futures of every youth bright and undangerous.
Submitted by sodoo on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, ensure your main points are supported with more specific and detailed examples. Currently, the examples are somewhat general.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from better logical transitions between ideas to improve the flow. Consider using connecting phrases or sentences to link your paragraphs more smoothly.
task achievement
Try to elaborate a bit more on your points to provide a clearer and more comprehensive response. For example, how exactly can training courses help parents? Give specific scenarios or examples.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent focus on the main topic in each paragraph to ensure relevance. Sometimes, the discussion veered slightly off-topic (such as the mention of criminals), which although related, wasn't directly tied back to training courses for parents.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction is clear and sets up the essay well by stating the topic and your stance.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the importance of childhood for the future society.
task achievement
The essay addresses an important societal issue and presents a perspective that is thoughtful and relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • equip (verb): to provide with necessary tools or skills
  • cater (verb): to attend to someone's needs or requirements
  • development stages (noun): specific times during a child's growth when certain physical or psychological changes occur
  • nutrition (noun): the process of providing or receiving the food necessary for health and growth
  • foster (verb): to promote the growth or development of something
  • mandatory (adjective): required by law or rules
  • infringement (noun): the action of limiting or undermining something
  • practicality (noun): the quality or state of being practical or realistic
  • accessibility (noun): the quality of being easy to obtain or use
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