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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts give information about the audience of various age ranges in three different social media.

The pie charts give information about the audience of various age ranges in three different social media.
The pie charts give information about the audience of various age ranges in three different social media.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the greatest proportion of
users
Use synonyms
 on
Twitter
Use synonyms
,
YouTube
Use synonyms
, and
Facebook
Use synonyms
 are young adults,
as well as
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people from 35 to 49 years old.
18
Correct article usage
The 18
show examples
-34 age group accounted for 40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
Twitter
Use synonyms
 audiences, which is responsible for almost a quarter percentage of
YouTube
Use synonyms
users
Use synonyms
 and 29
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
Facebook
Use synonyms
users
Use synonyms
. With
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar proportion( 29%) on
YouTube
Use synonyms
 and
Twitter
Use synonyms
, middle-aged adults use
Facebook
Use synonyms
 by only one percentage above. The people over 50
til
Change preposition
to
show examples
 64 are the third most
users
Use synonyms
 of all ages on
Twitter
Use synonyms
,
YouTube
Use synonyms
, and
Facebook
Use synonyms
, approximately 20%. Teenagers from 10 to 17 years old use social media less. Their percentage is 9 % on
Twitter
Use synonyms
, which is high on the other two social networks:
Facebook
Use synonyms
 and
YouTube
Use synonyms
, 14% and 15% respectively.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the list, the old people
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over 65 years old are considered less
users
Use synonyms
 of social media. One in ten
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of them are on
YouTube
Use synonyms
, and 8% of
users
Use synonyms
 are on
Facebook
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 half of
this
Linking Words
 proportion is on
Twitter
Use synonyms
.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words users, twitter, youtube, facebook with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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