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Band 7.5

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #ages #responsibilities #home #work #school #lives
There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over taking on more
responsibility
 for
children
 .
While
 some claim that kids of every age group should be given additional
responsibilities
, the opposite makes a statement that
children
 should have the freedom to enjoy their lives outside of school.
While
 each has its own perks, I would contend that it is optimal to combine both perspectives. Without a shadow of a doubt, youngsters across all age groups should be assigned more
responsibilities
.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that giving
children
 more
responsibilities
such
 as helping with housework or participating in work activities will instill a sense of
responsibility
 and help them as they enter adult life. Specifically, young
children
 can be assigned tasks
such
 as cleaning up toys or taking care of pets, which not only helps
children
 learn necessary life skills but
also
 fosters
responsibility
.
Therefore
, adolescents of all ages need to be given more
responsibility
.
In addition
,
children
 should be allowed to fully enjoy their
time
 away from school.The basis of
this
 is that
children
 need more
time
 to play, pursue interests and relax, which are important for development. about their emotions and psychology.
For instance
, a child may participate in activities
such
 as playing sports, painting, or playing with friends in the park.
Time
 spent playing and pursuing hobbies helps
children
 feel happy and balanced, which is essential for their
overall
 development.
Hence
,
children
 should have the opportunity to fully enjoy their
time
 outside the classroom.
As a result
, a balanced approach is needed for
children
 to help them develop essential life skills by balancing
responsibilities
 and free
time
 that can help
children
 develop into well-rounded, able to effectively handle both work and entertainment.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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coherence
While the essay provides a good balance of ideas, ensure that each paragraph clearly supports a central point and transitions smoothly to the next. For instance, you could use transitional phrases like 'Furthermore', 'Additionally', or 'On the contrary' to maintain flow between ideas more effectively.
coherence
Review sentence structure and grammar to improve readability. Small grammatical tweaks can significantly enhance comprehension, such as using clearer subject-verb agreements and avoiding run-on sentences.
task response
Although the essay covers both perspectives well, adding more specific examples and evidence would make the arguments stronger. For instance, citing studies or real-life situations would lend more credibility to the points discussed.
task response
To fully reach the highest band scores, try to delve deeper into each point. Explaining the 'how' and 'why' aspects of each argument can add depth and make your essay more compelling.
overall
The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, showing a mature understanding of the topic.
coherence
There is a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, aiding in the logical flow of the essay.
overall
The language used is formal and suitable for an academic essay, demonstrating a good grasp of vocabulary and syntax.
coherence
Your conclusion effectively sums up the main points of the essay and presents a balanced viewpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • extra responsibilities
  • develop skills
  • life lessons
  • work ethic
  • sense of responsibility
  • contribute to
  • family
  • community
  • playtime
  • physical development
  • mental development
  • balance
  • enjoyment
  • guide
  • childhood
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