More and more people are moving from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order tolook for work. What will be consequences of this? What solutions can you offer?
Over the
last
few decades,changing the location of living has risen dramatically.In other words
,the majority of people
have moved from suburbs to capital cities
in order to find a proper job in recent years.This
essay will look at some results of this
action and also
I will propose some effective solutions.
Let's begin by looking at some consequences which will be created when people
move to crowded cities
.Firstly
,If more people
move to another mega city
,the population of the city will increase sharply.Add a hyphen
mega-city
That is
to say,the percentage of community
who live in a big city rockets Add an article
the community
due to
the imigrants
.Correct your spelling
immigrants
Secondly
,the expenses of renting residence
will rise dramatically because of more Correct article usage
a residence
demanding
for Replace the word
demand
houses
.Clearly,If more people
migrate from agricultural areas to large cities
,the costs of living will climb.
Turning to the side of the solutions,dealing with this
issue,the government
should prepare some well-paid jobs for people
in
Change preposition
apply
ouside
of the capital Correct your spelling
outside
cities
so as to reduce the number of imigrants
.It is considered thatCorrect your spelling
immigrants
,
not only do Remove the comma
apply
people
find better jobs in their local regions,but aslo
the population of Correct your spelling
also
croweded
Correct your spelling
crowded
cities
will not increase.Moreover
,to tackle the issue of more demanding
for Replace the word
demand
houses
,the government
should realize the percentage of accessible houses
in big cities
.Generally speaking,the government
should construct more residences for preparing
an opportunity for renting or purchasing Change preposition
to prepare
houses
.
To conclude
,there is no doubt that most people
are keen on moving another
big Change preposition
to another
citiy
to find a job.Correct your spelling
city
It is clear that
the results of this
changing the location might not b
suitable for both Correct your spelling
be
people
and government
.As a consequence
,these problems will remain unchanged unless the government
consider the solutions.Submitted by TUTOO on
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task response
The essay addresses the task by outlining both the consequences and the solutions related to urban migration. However, to elevate your task response score, consider providing more specific examples and deeper analysis of each point. For example, delve into how increased urban populations strain public services or create environmental issues.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are logically organized, and the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. Nevertheless, there are occasional issues with sentence flow and connectivity between ideas. Try using more varied linking words and phrases to improve cohesion. Additionally, avoid repeating phrases like 'the government should'; instead, use synonyms or rephrase to show a wider range of vocabulary.
language
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect clarity. For instance, 'Changing the location of living has risen' should be 'The trend of changing one's living location has risen'. Additionally, 'the percentage of community' should be 'the percentage of the community'. Work on refining your grammar and expression for greater clarity and impact.
structure
The essay has a well-organized structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow your arguments.
content
You have identified both the potential consequences of urban migration and proposed viable solutions, showing a good understanding of the issue.
tone
Your essay maintains a formal tone throughout and uses appropriate vocabulary related to the topic, which enhances the professionalism of your writing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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