IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city? Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Living away from home for many students can be a transformative experience,
as well as
Linking Words
 offering a wide range of social and intellectual skills. Some families send their daughters and sons to live alone during their university stages
for sparking
Change preposition
to spark
show examples
 their curiosity and mentality.
While
Linking Words
 some may see that it is too early for them to hold responsibilities. From my
perspectives
Fix the agreement mistake
perspective
show examples
, I personally discovered that
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
 outweigh the drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 proposal.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore both, and demonstrate why its proponents are correct. On the one hand, the opportunity
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 personal growth and independence comes on the top of benefits of living alone. When the students live in different countries, they are forced to navigate their requirements depending on themselves
such
Linking Words
 as preparing food, cleaning their flats or even rooms, laundry, and managing their finances.
For instance
Linking Words
, I have one of my siblings has moved to study abroad in the UK, and there are significant positive impacts
appeared
Correct pronoun usage
that appeared
show examples
 on his personality, highlighting the earned Commitment which is strengthened on a large scale. Contrastingly, one of the solid concerns,
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 be added to the list explaining the reason why is not impractical for students to settle
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 original towns, is the absence of a well-capped reliance. In
another word
Fix the agreement mistake
other words
show examples
, fostering strong bonds and spreading a warm feeling of love between family members are two main elements that decline gradually on residing
your
Change preposition
in your
show examples
 home.
Additionally
Linking Words
, affording some utilities
such
Linking Words
 as paying for electricity, water, gas, and internet bills can be
little
Add an article
a little
show examples
 crucial and critical task for some to handle.
For example
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 I was doing my undergraduate studies, I had many colleagues who frequently suffered from their life costs and expenses. In summary, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the challenges, thinking
how
Change preposition
about how
show examples
 to deal with various situations
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 your own might push your tight-minded personality to grow and convert into an intimately-rounded version. So, I would reiterate that it is noticeable that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 exceed the disadvantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a solid introduction and conclusion, which are essential in structuring your argument. However, the logical flow between paragraphs could be smoother. Try to use more transitional phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
While you addressed the prompt and provided relevant examples from personal experience, some of your ideas could be more thoroughly developed. Try elaborating on the examples and how they specifically support your point.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are slightly awkward or unclear. Consider revisiting some sentence structures for clarity. Proofreading can help catch issues that affect comprehension.
task achievement
Your personal experiences provide a strong foundation for your argument, making it relatable and impactful.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your essay and guiding the reader through your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
What to do next:
Look at other essays: