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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Organizing tours to remote places and communities is becoming more and more popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and environment? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#tours #places #communities #development #people #environment
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Organizing tours to some isolated places and communities has now become more and more common. In my opinion, I think it has both advantages and disadvantages for
this
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 issue. On the one hand, I believe that
people
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 who take these tours to some rural areas can help those areas in some way.
For example
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, the economy will grow and more businesses and partnerships will invest here to build roads, buildings, and shopping centres to draw in more
tourists
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.
For example
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, in Sapa, Vietnam, the province was really far from urban areas and was really famous in recent years. Many companies can see the economic view in
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 place and invest many dollars here to yet more revenue.
Moreover
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, some residents in
this
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 place can open a homestay or eatery here or sell some local products to get more income.
While
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 it has some benefits, I think it
also
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 gets more withdrawal for the environment and atmosphere here. More
tourists
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, more
people
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, and
thus
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 more trash.
Tourists
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 go to these places and organise some parties. or bonding activities
,
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apply
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 and the majority of
people
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 will forget to take all their garbage to the trash can.
Furthermore
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, some residents now focus too much on the nearly economic income and get away from traditional careers.
This
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 led
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 remote area to become a commercial area.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 issue can break the peaceful atmosphere and habitat of animals here too.
This
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 is because the
tourists
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 can make noise and have too much impact on some residents here.
People
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 who live here
also
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 chop down the forest to make their way from buildings or houses for economic revenue, and
this
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 will affect lots of animals that live near
this
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 place. In conclusion,
while
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people
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 make many tours to go to some isolated places, it can bring some benefit, but I think its negative effect is greater than the other.
Submitted by linh.le0995 on

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task achievement
Work on developing your ideas more thoroughly. For instance, after introducing the impact on the local environment, give specific examples of how wildlife might be affected. This will make your argument richer and more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and try to vary your sentences to improve readability. Some of the sentences are lengthy and may benefit from being broken into shorter, more digestible parts. This can make it easier for readers to follow your argument.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples, such as the Sapa, Vietnam example, which enriches your essay and demonstrates your ability to connect real-world examples to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. This is essential for an organized argument and helps the reader navigate your points smoothly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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