Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. What do you think is the reason for this? Is this a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, shopping has become a great way of spending free
time
in many nations for youngsters. In my view, this
is a positive development because this
allows us to buy necessary items that are essential on our daily basis such
as food and we also
get to spend quality time
by catching up with friends and family.
People
can buy the things that are essential for personal growth. To illustrate: books are mandatory tools for students to learn important skills and gain proper knowledge . Beside, shopping can be more than just purchasing objects and materials. It can be a great means to meet with friends and family and spend meaningful time
together. It is blessing and pleasure to be around with the people
with whom we share love and care. While
we are having a hard time
, we can communicate with them by sitting in a quite restaurant or a cafe and they can give us genuine advice. Moreover
, we will stress less.
On the other hand
, some people
may be passionate about buying trendy clothes and gadgets. They may love buying gifts for themselves or for their relatives. For instance
: during special occasion such
as Christmas, parents love buying gifts for their children and many shops also
provide a huge discount to attract many customers.
Our body release happy hormones like dopamine when we are pleased and content. So, for some people
it can bring a great sense of satisfaction and peace after getting the things they like. This
might motivate them to work even harder and better for the things they want to achieve. Therefore
, it is beneficial to do shopping rather than many other detrimental activities like drinking alcohol or taking drugs.
To summarise, shopping brings relaxation in hectic schedule as well as
positive energy to keep up with both the worklife and personal life.Submitted by raialon4047 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and the points are logically linked to this central idea. For instance, the first paragraph introduces the idea that shopping is a positive development but sometimes drifts off-topic.
task achievement
Expand and elaborate on some of the points mentioned. For example, while the essay states that shopping allows us to buy essential items, it would benefit from more specifics, such as detailing the variety of items beyond just books and food.
coherence cohesion
The essay has some small grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, "Beside" should be "Besides" and "body release" should be "body releases." Proofreading for such minor issues can refine your response.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs having distinct topics.
task achievement
The use of examples like Christmas to support points makes the argument more effective, adding relevant and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and help to frame the essay nicely, contributing to a more logical and structured response.
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