IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

#children #team #sports #school
In modern society, there is an ongoing debate about whether children can learn
cooperation
 through
team
sports
 or not, with some people believing that the best way to study
cooperation
 is through
team
sports
. In
this
 essay, I will argue and explain what
team
 activities contribute to children.
To begin
 with, I firmly believe that playing football teaches players to trust each other.
Additionally
, by playing football, young people realise
cooperation
 is the most important.
As a result
, children who take part in
this
 sport are encouraged to cooperate with each other
while
 game.
For example
,
according to
 the National Statistics Office, numerous teenagers have acquired their ways to cooperate since they played football. On top of that, countless experts claim that a lot of teams show better
cooperation
 and trust than other teams.
Furthermore
, when young people play
team
 activities, they should communicate how they play and ask other players to help. For these reasons, they learn about how to help others and the importance of
cooperation
.
For instance
, a recent survey has shown that many students' moral and cooperative acts have risen by 30% point since schools introduced teams and
sports
 programs. In my opinion, it is apparent that
team
sports
 is the best way to acquire
cooperation
.
This
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they have to communicate and help each other
while
 match. In conclusion,
while
 it is undeniable that there are some advantages and disadvantages,
it is clear that
 playing in
team
 activities exerts a positive influence on their growth.
Submitted by garim4645 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well, but ensure to give a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion. You might want to state explicitly whether you agree or disagree with the statement.
task achievement
Try to provide more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance clarity and depth in your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are logically sequenced, with clear transitions between paragraphs. However, try to make your conclusion less repetitive by summarizing main points succinctly.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining your supporting examples and expanding them with more details to make your arguments stronger.
task achievement
Your essay shows a clear understanding of the topic and provides relevant examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
The logical progression of ideas throughout the essay makes it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
You have included a good number of cohesive devices which help to link ideas effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • values
  • applied
  • aspects
  • belonging
  • camaraderie
  • participating
  • essential
  • social skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: