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Band 6

Students from poor background such as rural areas often find it difficult to access to university education, so people think universities should make it especially easy for them to study at. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #background #areas #access #university #education #people #universities #study
I agree with the statement that
universities
 should take a step forward and provide access to
education
 to those from rural backgrounds and those who cannot afford it. In the following paragraphs, I intend to discuss why
this
 needs to be done and suggest ways how
universities
 can help. The main reason why
universities
 should help the disadvantaged sections of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society is that
this
 would help to bridge the gap between the rich and the poor. It is a well-known fact that higher
education
 raises the level of people both socially and economically.
The
Correct article usage
Students
show examples
students
 of rural backgrounds may not be able to compete with their urban counterparts for entrance to
universities
. Competition is very stiff nowadays and cut-off rates for engineering, medical and commerce courses
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 very high. Another well-known fact is that university
education
 is very expensive and is out of the reach of many. Many
students
 from poor
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
 do not get tertiary
education
 for want of money and so join some job after secondary school.
This
 is very detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their future because they remain at the same level of
earning
Correct your spelling
earnings
show examples
 for their whole lives and so cannot progress in life. Even their future generations remain underprivileged.
Universities
 can help in many ways.
Firstly
, they can introduce a rural quota which can help the deserving rural
students
.
Moreover
, funding can be provided to poor deserving
students
.
Interest free
Add a hyphen
Interest-free
show examples
 loans which can be returned after the completion of
education
 can be provided to the
students
. Many leading
universities
 are already doing all that for the needy
students
.
Universities
 can
also
 provide online and distance
education
 courses at very nominal fees to
such
students
.
To sum up
,
universities
 should help the poor and rural
students
 because it will reduce inequality among the people and raise the level of the nation as a whole.
Submitted by mohsen.souri93 on

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task achievement
The essay demonstrates clear and comprehensive ideas in response to the task. To further strengthen the argument, including more relevant specific examples, such as statistics or real-life cases, might be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure and is well-organized. However, ensuring smooth transitions between some ideas or paragraphs can improve the flow even more. Consider using more varied linking words or phrases.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay's main argument.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported with logical reasoning and examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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