In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development.

It's quite common that poor
people
are moving to urban areas in many nations around the world, so the population in the countryside is diminishing.
This
essay thinks
this
situation is a positive
development
for the countries. Because
this
phenomenon is going to not just facilitate economic growth, but
also
boost the
city
's
development
in many aspects.
To begin
with, there are many
people
who are rural and decided to move to the big
city
after graduation for career
development
.
This
is because compared to the countryside, there are much more job opportunities in the urban area.
Furthermore
,
this
action will increase the amount of labour in the cities, which will lead to facilitating the cycle of job
vacancy
Fix the agreement mistake
vacancies
show examples
in the long run.
For example
, in most of the cities in the North of Taiwan,
such
as New Taipei
city
, there are plenty of technology-related companies based there.
This
led to plenty of job vacancies there, and lots of
people
liked to work there, which resulted in great economic
development
for the
city
.
Secondly
,
people
create the needs, that's why the more
people
move to the
city
, the more aspects of
development
will be boosted. The public transport systems
such
as buses, MRT
system
, trains and so on are the top priority for
city
development
.
On the other hand
, the complete hospital allocation is another significant
development
for the big
city
.
For instance
, the capital of Taiwan, Taipei
City
, has the most well-developed hospital
system
in the nation. There are lots of critical treatments and medical
conference
Fix the agreement mistake
conferences
show examples
are held there.
As well as
public transportation
such
as sharing bikes and the MRT
system
.
To conclude
, it's a pretty positive
development
for poor
people
to move to the urban area.
That is
because
this
situation not only boosts the growth of
city's
Correct article usage
the city's
show examples
economy but
also
facilitates the public transportation
system
and complete hospital allocation.
Submitted by 90nini15yu on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the question asked. Consider discussing both the positive and negative impacts of the trend, as the prompt suggests a discussion on your viewpoint rather than a factual account. This will help in fully meeting the task's requirements.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured and easy to follow. However, including a clearer and more distinct thesis statement would help in providing a stronger foundation for your argument. Consider revising your introduction to clearly state your stance on the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay, consider diversifying your transitional phrases and ensuring that each paragraph seamlessly leads into the next. Additionally, refining your conclusion to more succinctly summarize your main points and reiterate your stance would strengthen the overall effectiveness of your essay.

Your opinion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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