In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development.

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It's quite common that poor
people
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are moving to urban areas in many nations around the world, so the population in the countryside is diminishing.
This
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essay thinks
this
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situation is a positive
development
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for the countries. Because
this
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phenomenon is going to not just facilitate economic growth, but
also
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boost the
city
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's
development
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in many aspects.
To begin
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with, there are many
people
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who are rural and decided to move to the big
city
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after graduation for career
development
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.
This
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is because compared to the countryside, there are much more job opportunities in the urban area.
Furthermore
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,
this
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action will increase the amount of labour in the cities, which will lead to facilitating the cycle of job
vacancy
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vacancies
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in the long run.
For example
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, in most of the cities in the North of Taiwan,
such
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as New Taipei
city
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, there are plenty of technology-related companies based there.
This
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led to plenty of job vacancies there, and lots of
people
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liked to work there, which resulted in great economic
development
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for the
city
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.
Secondly
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,
people
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create the needs, that's why the more
people
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move to the
city
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, the more aspects of
development
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will be boosted. The public transport systems
such
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as buses, MRT
system
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, trains and so on are the top priority for
city
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development
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.
On the other hand
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, the complete hospital allocation is another significant
development
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for the big
city
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.
For instance
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, the capital of Taiwan, Taipei
City
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, has the most well-developed hospital
system
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in the nation. There are lots of critical treatments and medical
conference
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conferences
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are held there.
As well as
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public transportation
such
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as sharing bikes and the MRT
system
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.
To conclude
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, it's a pretty positive
development
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for poor
people
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to move to the urban area.
That is
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because
this
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situation not only boosts the growth of
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city's
Correct article usage
the city's
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economy but
also
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facilitates the public transportation
system
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and complete hospital allocation.
Submitted by 90nini15yu on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the question asked. Consider discussing both the positive and negative impacts of the trend, as the prompt suggests a discussion on your viewpoint rather than a factual account. This will help in fully meeting the task's requirements.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured and easy to follow. However, including a clearer and more distinct thesis statement would help in providing a stronger foundation for your argument. Consider revising your introduction to clearly state your stance on the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay, consider diversifying your transitional phrases and ensuring that each paragraph seamlessly leads into the next. Additionally, refining your conclusion to more succinctly summarize your main points and reiterate your stance would strengthen the overall effectiveness of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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