In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development.
It's quite common that poor
people
are moving to urban areas in many nations around the world, so the population in the countryside is diminishing. This
essay thinks this
situation is a positive development
for the countries. Because this
phenomenon is going to not just facilitate economic growth, but also
boost the city
's development
in many aspects.
To begin
with, there are many people
who are rural and decided to move to the big city
after graduation for career development
. This
is because compared to the countryside, there are much more job opportunities in the urban area. Furthermore
, this
action will increase the amount of labour in the cities, which will lead to facilitating the cycle of job vacancy
in the long run. Fix the agreement mistake
vacancies
For example
, in most of the cities in the North of Taiwan, such
as New Taipei city
, there are plenty of technology-related companies based there. This
led to plenty of job vacancies there, and lots of people
liked to work there, which resulted in great economic development
for the city
.
Secondly
, people
create the needs, that's why the more people
move to the city
, the more aspects of development
will be boosted. The public transport systems such
as buses, MRT system
, trains and so on are the top priority for city
development
. On the other hand
, the complete hospital allocation is another significant development
for the big city
. For instance
, the capital of Taiwan, Taipei City
, has the most well-developed hospital system
in the nation. There are lots of critical treatments and medical conference
are held there. Fix the agreement mistake
conferences
As well as
public transportation such
as sharing bikes and the MRT system
.
To conclude
, it's a pretty positive development
for poor people
to move to the urban area. That is
because this
situation not only boosts the growth of city's
economy but Correct article usage
the city's
also
facilitates the public transportation system
and complete hospital allocation.Submitted by 90nini15yu on
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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the question asked. Consider discussing both the positive and negative impacts of the trend, as the prompt suggests a discussion on your viewpoint rather than a factual account. This will help in fully meeting the task's requirements.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured and easy to follow. However, including a clearer and more distinct thesis statement would help in providing a stronger foundation for your argument. Consider revising your introduction to clearly state your stance on the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay, consider diversifying your transitional phrases and ensuring that each paragraph seamlessly leads into the next. Additionally, refining your conclusion to more succinctly summarize your main points and reiterate your stance would strengthen the overall effectiveness of your essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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