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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In the last few decades, there have been more and more cases of famous people being hounded by the press. Some people think that famous people in the media should have no right to privacy. To what extent do you agree?

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In the
last
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 few years, more and more influencers have been hounded by the media, and some
people
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 think that, as famous
people
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, they have to accept that they will not have
privacy
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.
However
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, I firmly believe that they are entitled to their own right to
privacy
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 as human beings. The first reason is that, as humans, we have a natural right to have our own
privacy
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. Famous
people
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 are no exception; they are
also
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 citizens in a country, and thereby they are under their country's government's laws. So if their
privacy
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 is being harmed by anyone, including the press, they will be protected by their government's policies.
For example
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, they can report to their authorities, and
then
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 the government will punish those who violate their
privacy
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.
Secondly
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, lack of
privacy
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 makes influencers vulnerable to being taken advantage of by bad
people
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.
This
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 can be attributed to the fact that their intimate relationships or secret information are publicized, so they are attacked by anti-fans physically and verbally.
This
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 is the primary culprit for the increasing number of cases of suicide and drug abuse in famous
people
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 because their emotions are being attacked, and they do not know how to protect their reputations and continue their careers.
For instance
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, a few months ago, a famous singer in Korea named Sulli committed suicide after a long time dealing with threats from netizens.
To conclude
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, there is no doubt that famous
people
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's
privacy
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 is being attacked by the media because they think famous
people
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 do not have the right to live in
privacy
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. Even though I strongly think that they are just human beings like other normal
people
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, they do need to have their own
privacy
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.

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task achievement
While you have clearly addressed the question and your main points are directly related to the topic, consider adding a concession to acknowledge the perspective of those who believe famous people shouldn't have privacy. This can add depth and sophistication to your response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea of the paragraph. This will make your essay more structured and easier to follow.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples, such as the case of the singer Sulli, which significantly strengthened your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly frame the essay, giving it a coherent structure.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your ideas is consistent, and each paragraph is well-developed.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • hounded
  • sensational news
  • unwarranted scrutiny
  • blurs the line
  • public interest
  • pervasive
  • public persona
  • complex relationship
  • invasive
  • ethical frameworks
  • privacy is upheld
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