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Writing Samples
Band 7

Primary education is said to have profound effects on the quality of secondary and tertiary education, so governments often try to take steps in order to enhance primary education in their countries. What, from your point of view, should be done to improve the quality of primary schools?

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Education
Use synonyms
 plays a crucial part in the life of everybody. Experts believe that primary study should be paid more by governments to get prospective outcomes in the following pupils' levels.
Overall
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, they found a strong relationship between primary, secondary and tertiary instruction. In
this
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 essay, it will be mentioned not only what is required, but
also
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 what should be done by governors to increase significantly in the quality of primary
schools
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.
According to
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 experts' opinions, most achievements of offspring in their lessons refer to their basic training, especially in primary school.
Moreover
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, they found a positive relationship between the quality of primary, secondary and tertiary instructions.
Furthermore
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, there is something to be said for children will be more successful in their following levels even in universities, if they had a decent
education
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 in primary school.
For instance
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, I appreciate my primary learning because it directed my future as a prosperous student.
Additionally
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, it can be assessed with feedback, which can be obtained by both teachers and parents.
In addition
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, the government must be responsible for playing an important role by increasing primary
schools
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 in number, and they have to enhance the quality of
education
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 by recruiting qualified teachers and providing equipment, facilities, etc. These steps can be taken by both private sectors and comprehensive
schools
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 because they need a huge investment in developing
such
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 spacious classrooms and providing modern equipment like computers and supplied laboratories. Despite developing technology, most teenagers have become familiar with modern facilities and amenities at an early age, and these acts help children to be enthusiastic about lessons, and find their environment more pleasant like their home. In conclusion, it can be mentioned that we cannot ignore the importance of the government's role in the structure of
education
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, but the private sector can help them in
this
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 system.
Although
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 preparing all facilities would be impossible for all authorities, they should predict how they can afford them.
However
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, I completely believe that the most important key to
education
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 service in primary
schools
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 refers to qualified teachers who are satisfied with their jobs.

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coherence cohesion
While your essay makes a good attempt at addressing the prompt, you need to clearly organize your main points with distinct paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea or argument.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and elaborate on your points to better illustrate your arguments and to make them more convincing.
task achievement
Some sentences are a bit awkward or unclear. Try to simplify your language and be more direct to ensure your ideas are clearly understood.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion should succinctly summarize your main arguments and reiterate your stance. Avoid introducing new information in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction provides a clear overview of the topic and establishes a context for the discussion.
task achievement
You have made an effort to address both the role of the government and private sectors in improving primary education, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay highlights the importance of qualified teachers, which is a crucial point in the context of enhancing primary education.
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