IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

The urban transport system receives more funds compared to the rural transport system. Why do you think it is so? How can it be solved?

#transport #system #funds
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These days, transportation is considered one of the most important things in countries. The portion of the budget of the urban system is higher than the rural system.
This
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 essay will discuss why and how can we solve it.
Firstly
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, the biggest cause of
this
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 will be the proportion of the people who live in the cities because they are higher than the ones who live in the villages.
Moreover
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, the city now offers more services to its people,
for example
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: schools and hospitals are provided all over the city, a variety of jobs, entertainment centres and gym clubs. So these things make living in the city so easy and that's why transportation is requested and much needed there.
Secondly
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, presidents from all around the world conduct their meetings in the cities, so the roads and traffic should be organised and modern.
Hence
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, the government have to spend a lot of money on transportation there.
On the other hand
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, the accident rate is increasing on the country-side roads
due to
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 their simple structure and the lack of good lights and modern roads. So the government should reconsider their plan and adjust the budget. But, if it's not possible
then
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 there are other solutions ,
for instance
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, lights that depend on the sunlight where they can charge through the day and work at night. In conclusion, I think that the urban system has the highest ratio
due to
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 the number of people living there in comparison to the countryside, and a lot of the global events occur in the cities. But, rural transport can have alternative and less money options like sunlight-charged lights.
Submitted by waad018 on

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relevant specific examples
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clear comprehensive ideas
To achieve a higher score, it is essential to refine your sentence structures to avoid minor grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing. This would improve the overall clarity and conciseness of your arguments.
logical structure
Your essay has a clear structure with a coherent flow of ideas. The logical structure is relatively strong, and you have successfully introduced and concluded your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, summarizing the topic and your views effectively. This provides the essay with a sense of completeness.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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