IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Society is based on rules and laws. It could not function if individuals were free to do whatever they wanted to do. To what extent do you agree or not?

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In globalization, rules and
laws
Use synonyms
 are the basic foundation of the recent society. If it did not work,
people
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 were free to do whatever they wanted. Personally, I completely with
this
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 view. On the one hand, the crime rate is rapidly increasing, especially in many busy cities. All residents feel safe knowing that they are under the guard of the government, whose
laws
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 save them from different kinds of frivolity from other individuals'
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
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. The illegal punishment that someone can cause to others would be analysed in court.
For instance
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, if some man would make a scene in a public place by starting to injure someone, he would immediately caught by police officers,
then
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 talk about the incident and given a fair punishment
according to
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 his actions.
As a result
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, feeling the government's law strength in the faces of local police officers makes
people
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 rethink their thoughts before they act. The second possible reason why society is better at following the rules and
laws
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 is that the terrain, where
people
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 live and were born, remains clean, tidy and developed. As the city is not wiped out by its citizens, it means that it increases in its beauty and stands out in its social skills.
For example
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, imagine the mirrored situation, in Afghanistan
people
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 destroy their own motherland maintaining the civil war
instead
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 of modernizing it and making it suitable for a new generation.
Therefore
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, that territory which stays under terrorists' occupation will not bring the country to a successful and serene future. In conclusion, I believe that the rules and
laws
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 should be followed for a developed and civilized society.

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task achievement
Try to deepen your arguments with more specifics and varied examples. Instead of just the police and safety example, consider discussing laws related to healthcare, education, or even economic growth and technological advancement.
general
Focus on some grammatical and lexical inaccuracies. For example, 'Personally, I completely with this view' should be 'Personally, I completely agree with this view,' and 'the crime rate is rapidly increasing' could be more nuanced.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from more transitional phrases and connectors, such as 'furthermore', 'moreover', or 'on the contrary', to make the flow of ideas smoother.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position and sets the stage for your main arguments.
task achievement
You provide specific examples to support your points which makes your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear conclusion that ties back to the introduction and reiterates your main point.
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