IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that children should begin learning a foreign language at primary school, while others believe it is better to start at secondary school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Some people think that kids should start to learn a new language at primary
school
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others believe it is better to commence at secondary
school
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I agree with the first idea because students in young
age
Use synonyms
 can accept many things ,
such
Linking Words
 as
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
show examples
 language and some habits. On the one hand, starting to learn new things
such
Linking Words
 as languages and skills early, especially at a young
age
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
, in primary
school
Use synonyms
, is better than starting late because the brain at
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 can be very active and does not have many distractions, and that can be beneficial for learning quickly and accepting a lot of information without forgetting it over time.
In addition
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 can have strong long-term memory, which helps them save information for a long time and use it in their lives.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people believe that starting to learn new languages at secondary
school
Use synonyms
 is better because
children
Use synonyms
 need to focus on the main subjects.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they think that
children
Use synonyms
 need to build a strong base in scientific subjects like mathematics and physics.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 should focus on learning how to solve simple mathematical problems.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 is efficient,
children
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 need time during
this
Linking Words
 period to enjoy themselves and learn something they like. To illustrate, I personally learned English when I was younger, and I liked it. Today, I have many relationships with native speakers in England and the United States, and that happened because I developed the habit of learning early.
To sum up
Linking Words
, both views are increadible but
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe starting to learn languages at a young
age
Use synonyms
 is better than any other option.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your view is clear, but the second side is shorter and less full.
task response
Add more clear and real examples to support each main idea.
task response
Make each main point more direct. Some ideas are repeated in a long way.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in one paragraph. Do not mix your own story with the other side too much.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow most of the time.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Pronunciation
  • Fluency
  • Brain plasticity
  • Cultural awareness
  • Globalized world
  • Proficiency
  • Educational opportunities
  • Motivation
  • Resource constraints
  • Specialized teachers
  • Academic pressure
  • Parental involvement
  • Curriculum balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: