IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
İt is said that taking
risks
 brings a lot of benefits.
However
, it
also
 gives us some drawbacks. First of all, it is obvious that taking
risks
 will cause a great loss if
people
 do it and fail . In personal life,
this
 loss might
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 be so harmful.
However
, it will be really
harmfull
Correct your spelling
harmful
 in professional life, because
people
 take
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
responsibility not only for themselves but
also
 others
such
 as
colleages
Correct your spelling
colleagues
, customers and their families. It will even damage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society from
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 economic point.
On the other hand
, we can
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 huge
benfits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 by taking
risks
.
Firstly
, we can learn how to prepare for one goal through
this
 process. In order to achieve the aim,
people
 will make all the
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 to think about it and try to find
more
Add an article
a more
the more
show examples
 efficient way. if they do
this
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professional circumstances, they will recognise the responsibility and importance of cooperation.
Also
, it will be completely meaningful even though
people
 can't achieve
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
 after
risks
. They will learn the reason why they have failed and how to change it . The failure will enable them to improve their skills and to achieve their
object
Replace the word
objectives
show examples
 next time. As I mentioned, it is true that taking
risks
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 us both advantages and disadvantages.
However
, it can be argued that the benefits
outweighed
Wrong verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the drawbacks in that we can obtain advantages not only from the result but
also
 from the process of taking
risks
.
Submitted by Yasar Khan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on tightening the introduction and conclusion to make them more impactful and clearly linked to the main points discussed in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Ensure that all arguments are fully developed and supported by relevant and specific examples. This will add depth to your essay.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced discussion on the topic, presenting both advantages and disadvantages of taking risks.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well supported and illustrate a clear understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: