IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Museums should display art of their own country, or they should display art from all over the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Museums and
art
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 galleries are very crucial for the new generation, because, they can provide a wider perspective of own culture. It is completely agreed that museums should present the
art
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 of their own nation
as well as
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 of a global village. In
this
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 essay, I will try to draw a conclusion with the help of relevant examples.
Firstly
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, people can able to look for different kinds of sculptures, monuments and paintings.
Above all
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, it represents the heritage culture of ancient folks.
For instance
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, it can boost forceful bonding with different communities.
Furthermore
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, pupils can learn about different organizations without travelling to a foreign land. Likely, it is vital to portray the ancient
art
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 of the different regions. It can help particular land to generate revenue that can be used in renovating museums and in the same way expanding them.
Secondly
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, a union should ask for permission before displaying other regional arts in the museum.
Also
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,
this
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 exchange will introduce diversity with the region itself, local people will get to explore the history and culture of another place without going to a particular state.
For example
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, the European king started to colonize Asia and they used the opportunity and take crucial jewellery and historical documents with them.
Moreover
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, some countries consider their arts as national treasures.
That is
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, in a report recently released by WHO, the London National Museum has 90% of its
art
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 originally from other regions. In conclusion, it would be beneficial for the country and their population to know about the different heritage cultures of other countries. Government should create more salons that are easily accessible to everyone;
however
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, they should be well-maintained and untouchable.

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task achievement
While you have presented a clear structure in your essay and included an introduction and a conclusion, some parts of your arguments need further development and explanation. Try to delve deeper into how displaying international art benefits or hinders local culture.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical flow of ideas, but some sentences are not as clear as they could be. For example, the sentence 'For instance, it can boost forceful bonding with different communities.' is a bit confusing. Try to use more straightforward language.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you link your points back to the main question more frequently. This will help you stay on track and ensure that every paragraph directly relates to the topic at hand.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in creating a structured response.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples, which enhance the credibility of your arguments.
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