IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Since it is so easy to reach a large audience on the internet, people have to be exceptionally talented to become famous these days. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In modern times, because of the development of the Internet, we can easily expose ourselves to numerous
people
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 online. We can be an influencer in our rooms, workplaces and studios if we have electric devices to make
videos
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 or photoshoots. In my opinion, I strongly agree that we have to work a lot more to be famous these days for two reasons. On the one hand, we have too much content to enjoy.
For example
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, we have so many streaming services
such
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 as Netflix, YouTube and HBO Max. These companies make content with enormous capital resources. Squid Game, which is a famous TV series from Netflix, spent more than 10 billion won to make seasons 2 and 3. In conclusion, individuals who want to be famous should make irreplaceable content to survive, which is extremely difficult.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 nowadays like provocative things
due to
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 the saturated streaming industry. We've been using SNSs for decades, especially Gen Zs. Now
people
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 like short-form
videos
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 than long
videos
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, which prioritize viral moments and memes.
This
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 trend suggests that fame can be more about timing and luck than exceptional skills.
Moreover
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, the criteria of talent still shifting through generations is
also
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 one of the problems. To summarise, streaming and video services are now Red Ocean.
Due to
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this
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,
people
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 now enjoy relatively shorter
videos
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 which give you more fun. TV series and movies from massive companies are more attractive to the masses because of the high quality compared to individual creators.

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task achievement
Expand on the introduction to clearly outline your two main reasons for agreeing with the statement.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your conclusion summarizes the main points more explicitly. A strong conclusion will restate your position and briefly summarize why you hold that view.
coherence and cohesion
In the second paragraph, clarify the connection between the abundance of content and the need for exceptional talent for fame. The link could be stronger.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, like 'Squid Game' and the mention of streaming services, adds credibility to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing demonstrates a clear point of view and a logical structure overall, especially in how you present your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • democratization
  • gatekeepers
  • leverage
  • loyal fanbase
  • self-promotion
  • networking
  • virality
  • consistency
  • niche interests
  • mainstream attention
  • exceptional talent
  • content creators
  • platform algorithm
  • audience engagement
  • monetization
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