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Band 6

Many people around the world use social media day to keep in touch with other people and new events. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #world #media #touch #events #development
Overall
, in the current modern world, society has a different perspective on how to interact with others. Social
media
 is a good option, if not the best for the community to interact with his colleagues.
Furthermore
, social
media
 interaction means that there is no face-to-face meeting between both parties.
People
 nowadays use social
media
 all the time, whether in their professional matters or personal matters. It has an impact on how
people
 schedule their daily activities. The main advantage of social
media
 is
people
 can connect without any range or time constraints. It provides a superb experience because
people
 can just stay in one place
while
 communicating with others who live miles away from them.
On the other hand
, there is a chain reaction that emerges from
this
 circumstance if we proceed with all of our interactions only using solely social
media
.
People
 could not experience the differences by meeting in real life and
Change preposition
in real-time
show examples
real-time
Correct your spelling
real time
show examples
. It offers much more than social
media
, the ambience, the tone, and the read of
people
 meeting in real life are several things that could not be provided by social
media
. In my opinion, social
media
 is the only
way
 that
people
 can do more with less effort, which means the community is moving towards the right direction.
People
 could do so much more, with so little effort just by tapping their electronic gadgets. The community
also
 can obtain
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
fresh information just by accessing their phone and scrolling through a big brand company in social
media
,
such
 as Instagram, Facebook, etc. It is just a basic logic that by human nature
people
 choose the fastest and the most convenient
way
 possible to improve their
way
 of working and that can lead to mankind living in
this
 world with a brand new
way
 of engaging with each other.
Submitted by apriandijonathan on

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task achievement
The essay could benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to provide a more solid foundation for the argument.
task achievement
Expand on the advantages and disadvantages discussed with more specific examples and evidence to strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Make transitions between paragraphs smoother to enhance the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Provide a more definitive conclusion that succinctly summarizes the key points and reinforces your overall opinion.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and addresses both advantages and disadvantages of social media.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with clear paragraphs dedicated to specific aspects of the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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