IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Online education is becoming more popular. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#education #development
Internet teaching is tremendously increasing at present . I argue that it is a negative development and bad for the future, for
children
in particular
 .
Due to
 a lack of personal physical monitoring
as well as
 the lack of
school
 atmosphere .
This
 essay will elaborate on these points
further
 .
Firstly
 , in the classrooms, the
children
 are expected to be Physically monitored by their teachers during class hours .
Whereas
this
 will not be possible in online
classes
 . These monitoring activities are very crucial for the
children
 .
Such
 as the monitoring of handwriting and spelling mistakes during class hours gives an opportunity for correcting those at the initial stages .
For example
, almost all the parents of younger
children
 who attended online
classes
 during the COVID pandemic complaints about their
children
’s bad handwriting
Moreover
 , online
classes
 lack the atmosphere of real classrooms and schools. The interaction with friends
along with
 the physical and mental activities they engage in the
school
 is very important . Because these are essential for their proper physical
as well as
 mental development .
Furthermore
, the
school
 surroundings and friends
also
 make the
children
 more sociable . Numerous studies indicate that youngsters who attended online
classes
 without exposure to real
school
 , especially during the lockdown periods tend to be lazier and introverted compared to the
children
 who attended regular
classes
To conclude
 , online education though very popular currently , has disadvantages , in fact concerning young
children
 as it could affect their studies
as well as
 development
Submitted by drcamt on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the topic and provides relevant arguments, ensure to cover both sides of the argument even briefly, to provide a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Strive to vary your sentence structure to create a smoother flow and better readability.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of words or ideas to enhance the clarity and impact of your writing.
task achievement
Your essay successfully outlines key disadvantages of online education, particularly for young children, supported by relevant examples which strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The paragraphs are well-organized, with each focusing on a separate main point which helps maintain clarity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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