IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, the government pays for health care. In others, the individual must pay for their own health care. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each system.

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Health
Use synonyms
 is vital for everyone. When one is sick, he/ she needs to use the
health
Use synonyms
 services. There are widely differing views on the issue of whether the
government
Use synonyms
 should be responsible for the public cost or not. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explore the pros and cons of each system. Living standards can be secured if the policy maker
pay
Change the verb form
pays
show examples
 for its citizens'
healthcare
Use synonyms
. It is an undeniable
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fact that the cost of
healthcare
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 services is sky-high.
Healthcare
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 expenses are financial burdens to less wealthy families.
While
Linking Words
 the
minium
Correct your spelling
minimum
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 wage in Hong Kong is $40 per hour, it requires a patient to work for a minimum of 12 hours in order to afford to get
cure
Add an article
a cure
the cure
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 for simple illnesses, like
cold
Fix the agreement mistake
colds
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. Imagine for those who are suffering from serious
sickness
Change the noun form
sicknesses
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as
cancers
Fix the agreement mistake
cancer
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, the financial burden will be put on them will be enormous, even
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
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 families. If the medical expenses can be
transfered
Correct your spelling
transferred
 to the
government
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, it is their citizens who can
be beneficial
Wrong verb form
benefit
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 most.
However
Linking Words
, noticed that the
government
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's assets come from taxation, the
government
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 tends to impose higher taxes
to
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on
show examples
 the wealthy ones, in
this
Linking Words
case
Add the comma(s)
case,
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 businesses when
the
Remove the article
apply
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its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
expenditure goes up.
As a result
Linking Words
, even though the
government
Use synonyms
 takes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 its people's
health
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, the bills
are
Verb problem
apply
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always
ended
Wrong verb form
end
show examples
 up to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
affluent businesses.
Cocurrently
Correct your spelling
Currently
,
Use synonyms
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
 fraud and abuse might occur when individuals do not need to pay for the services which
also
Linking Words
resulting
Wrong verb form
results
show examples
 in a
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 tax. By way of conclusion, the drawbacks of having
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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covers
Change the verb form
cover
show examples
 all of the public's
healthcare
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 expenses, in my opinion,
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the ones
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of individuals. In order to alleviate the problems,
instead
Linking Words
 of the
government
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 covering the fees, I believe that
subsidy
Correct article usage
a subsidy
show examples
 is a better solution.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your argument is clear and consistent throughout the essay. For instance, your conclusion seems to weigh the option of government-funded healthcare less favorably, but it can be made more balanced by earlier establishing points against it.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is effective but could include a clearer thesis statement. A thesis statement should outline your main arguments and stance concisely.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on the disadvantages for individuals paying for their healthcare. You have mentioned the high costs effectively but consider discussing the broader implications, such as limited access to healthcare and potential health disparities.
task achievement
Your essay could be improved by backing up each point with more detailed examples or additional evidence. This provides stronger support for your argument.
coherence cohesion
Focus on providing clear and organized paragraphs, where each one introduces a single idea with supporting details. This can enhance the logical flow.
task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the issue, presenting a balanced view of the pros and cons of government-funded healthcare and individually funded healthcare.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and well-structured, summarizing the topic effectively.
task achievement
Relevant examples like the cost of healthcare in Hong Kong illustrate your points effectively.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal access
  • financial burden
  • preventive care
  • taxpayer expense
  • wait times
  • overuse
  • competition
  • personal responsibility
  • inequality in access
  • financial devastation
  • necessary care
What to do next:
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