IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people believe that a balanced diet and regular exercise are the keys to a healthy life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is certainly true that many individuals think that a balanced
diet
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 and daily
exercise
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 are necessary for a healthy
life
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. I completely agree with
this
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 statement and have given my reason below.
Firstly
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, regular
exercise
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 is the most important factor to a perfect
life
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 and there are many people around the world that follow
this
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 rule.
As a result
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, they are happy and successful in
life
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.
Moreover
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, frequent
exercise
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 by going to the gym, running, swimming and much more ,
produces
Correct subject-verb agreement
produce
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 more cells in the body
further
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 leads to better a sleep schedule, and the
overall
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 mental and physical state of the body .
Consequently
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, running is named the best medicine around the world.
Therefore
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, the research conducted by WHO showed that people running from a young age, preferably from 13 years, live a long
life
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.
Furthermore
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, it has been observed that those individuals who are punctual in their fitness are more friendly, kind, helpful and appealing to others.
However
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, there are many people around the world who have disabilities, and it is too risky for them to
exercise
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due to
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 some health problems.
Therefore
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, they can have a lot of diseases, particularly in the heart.
Nevertheless
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, having a proper
diet
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 can immensely help them have a healthy
life
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.
Accordingly
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, they start having health improvements by eating less sugar or being on a very strict
diet
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.
For instance
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, a hypothesis conducted by the University of Oxford stated that 97% of individuals gain a healthy and proper
life
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 by having a strict
diet
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. In conclusion, a balanced
diet
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 and frequent
exercise
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 are the most fundamental components of a better
life
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due to
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 their significant positive impact on mental and physical well-being.

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task achievement
You've made a strong statement of agreement with the topic and provided reasons to support your opinion. However, try to develop your arguments in more detail with additional explanations and examples for a more comprehensive response.
coherence
Make sure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and elaborate on it further. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence
Some sentences are quite long and complex. Breaking them into shorter, simpler sentences can make your points easier to understand.
cohesion
To enhance cohesion, use linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which sets the foundation for your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
relevant specific examples
You have provided relevant examples which support your arguments, making your essay more convincing.
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