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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#governments #progress #people #country
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People
 have different views about how governments should measure their
countries
’ progress.
While
 some
people
 consider economic development to be the most significant consideration, I would argue that advancements in other areas are crucial as well. On the one hand, the development of the
economy
 is a primary priority for
countries
. There are two main reasons:
Firstly
, from a personal perspective, a thriving
economy
 normally means an increasing number of employment opportunities in societies, where
people
 are more likely to find a decent job and live a better life.
For example
, because of rapid economic growth and improved job markets, about 100 million
people
 in China escaped extreme poverty from 2015 to 2020. From a national perspective, a stronger
economy
 can contribute to higher revenues.
Therefore
, governments are able to spend more money on improving infrastructure and public services, benefiting the
overall
 well-being of their citizens.
On the other hand
, advancements in areas
such
 as education, technology, and the environment are crucial when it comes to measuring the progress of a
country
. The most developed
countries
,
such
 as the USA, always have well-rounded education systems, making education accessible to everyone in their
countries
. Alternatively, the level of technological development is a key measure when judging the progress of a modern
country
 because advances in technologies,
such
 as communication technologies, can significantly improve both production efficiency and
people
’s standards of living.
Finally
, whether a
country
 develops toward sustainability should
also
 be considered. Developed
countries
 not only have robust economies to ensure their citizens live happily but
also
 pay attention to the protection of animals and other species, resulting in harmony between humans and nature. In conclusion,
while
 it is undeniable that a robust
economy
 is a key goal for a
country
, developments in other areas are as significant as economic growth.
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task achievement
You've done an excellent job developing your arguments and supporting them with relevant examples. However, to achieve an even higher score, consider addressing potential counterarguments more explicitly. This would demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic and enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To take it to the next level, you could work on making smoother transitions between your ideas to ensure perfect coherence and cohesion. For example, using more varied linking words and phrases can help to make your arguments flow even better.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured and follows a logical progression, which makes it easy to follow the development of your arguments.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your main points, which strengthens your arguments and makes them more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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