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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Video records are a better way to learn about the way other people live in the world live rather than written documents. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#video #records #people #world #documents
With
a
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developed technology, it has become easy to learn how
worldwide
Correct word choice
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people
 live their daily
lives
 through visualised
journal
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journals
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such
 as video
in addition
 to written data. Despite researching with written
records
 is already prevalent internationally, having more knowledge on finding living cultures and lifestyles of a variety of international
people
 via video would be much easier in the future. As a traditional research method of gathering
records
 for
people
's daily living styles, reading related documents has been persuasively selected so far. The rationale of
this
 is not debatable due historically most of the
information
 has been passed on the other parts of the world only with the format of written
information
such
 as newspapers, books, and articles.
For
this
 reason, researchers did not have any other choices to learn
people
's daily
lives
 from other cultures.
Therefore
, there is no doubt that grasping other
people
's
lives
international-based
Correct your spelling
internationally
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 with paper-based
records
 was the best way so far.
However
, with the development of digital
records
, seeing different
lives
 from the world has become accessible from everyone to every member of
the
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society. As ordinary
people
 can leave the videos they record for their daily
lives
 with clear pixels on certain platforms
such
 as Instagram or YouTube, individuals are able to explore how worldwide
people
 live.
This
 plays a paramount role in enhancing
people
's knowledge of lifestyles from every different culture and place.
This
 allows
people
 to know about it without interpreting different languages or symbols as they just can figure it out intuitively
while
 watching videos.
As a result
 of
this
, studying international daily
lives
 through video can be a better way compared to the former method.
To conclude
,
although
 comprehending
people
's daily
lives
 via written
records
 has already been prevalent, picking
information
 about other
people
's lifestyles from visualised
information
 can be considered the better way in the modern era with the developed technology.
Submitted by yeseulyou92 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction should set the stage for the discussion, the body paragraphs should each discuss a separate aspect of the topic, and the conclusion should summarily address your points and reiterate your stance.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should present ideas in a logical sequence with appropriate paragraphing. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs, which will help your essay to 'flow' more naturally for the reader.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples. While your essay mentions the impact of technology on accessing lifestyles worldwide, including specific instances or case studies could strengthen these points and make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
Extend and develop your main points further. Each paragraph should explore an idea fully, considering implications, contrasting viewpoints, or providing further evidence where possible.
task achievement
To fully address the task, it is important to explore both sides of the argument to a similar extent if presenting a balanced view. If you are arguing in favour of one view, make sure to adequately address and refute the opposing view to strengthen your own position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • visual and auditory
  • cultural practices
  • daily routines
  • real-time
  • emotions and reactions
  • immersive learning experience
  • detailed information
  • visual and emotional impact
  • nuances and complexities
  • enhance our understanding
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