IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people say to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution
In light of the proliferation of development, diseases and illness are serious problems that need to be averted, some people believe that the government should concentrate on tackling environmental contamination and accommodation trouble to solve those problems.
This
 writer contends that focusing on housing and environmental issues will improve citizens’ quality of life and lower the rate of homelessness. It must be acknowledged that cleaning the surrounding areas can significantly reduce cases of illness and infection. By clearing the atmosphere and the water sources, local residents will be protected from various respiratory diseases and harmful substances in their drinks.
Consequently
, the standard of life in many societies is greatly enhanced and the country’s state of health can
also
 gain some benefits.
Therefore
, funding ecological projects should be an advisable course of action. Take the neighborhoods near the nuclear waste for an example, it takes several years for it to decay and the local can be heavily impacted in the meantime. Another point worth considering is that solving the problem of accommodation can cut down the number of homeless people on the streets. In
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, it should be self-evident that by using abandoned lands for apartments or community houses, individuals will have more options to stay in.
As a result
, more residents will have a comfortable place to live
while
 making use of unwanted sites. It must
also
 be noted that creating opportunities for many communities to live together can create relationships between neighbours. In conclusion, the government should focus on eliminating environmental pollution and housing problems to improve citizens’
overall
 health and reduce the amount of people sleeping outside.
Therefore
,
this
 essay has demonstrated clear points to the aforementioned statement.
Submitted by khoi11nk11e on

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Specific Examples
Ensure that your examples are not only relevant but also detailed enough to strongly support your argument. For instance, when mentioning the impact of clearing atmosphere and water sources, providing specific instances or statistics could strengthen your point.
Task Completion
To improve task achievement, aim to fully address all parts of the task. Make sure that your arguments cover a wide range of possible considerations and that your conclusion summarily addresses the prompt comprehensively.
Language Variety
Work on varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the quality of your writing. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Structure
Your essay displays a good logical structure, introducing the topic clearly, developing arguments cohesively, and concluding effectively.
Position
You have a clear thesis statement and maintain a consistent stance throughout the essay, which helps in clarifying your position on the issue.
Examples
The use of examples, like neighborhoods near nuclear waste, to support your argument is a good strategy to make your writing persuasive and grounded.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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