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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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In some places, tertiary
students
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 live with their parents and siblings
while
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 attending
academy
Correct article usage
the academy
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while
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 in other places
students
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 attend
university
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 in a different
city
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. Some people believe that living away from home is not beneficial
due to
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 several reasons
while
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 some believe that it is. In
this
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 essay, I will list the benefits of living away from home
while
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 attending
university
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. Having
one
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's own space
while
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 attending
university
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 is beneficial to the learner as it will develop different
skills
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.
Firstly
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,
university
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students
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 will be able to learn how to live independently
as well as
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 it will improve their
skills
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 in doing house tasks on their own. Another benefit of living away from home is that
students
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 will be able to enhance their budgeting
skills
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. Since they are away from family and only given a specific budget to make do either weekly or monthly.
For example
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, I was living in a dorm and was given an allowance each week,
this
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 made me enhance my budgeting
skills
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 as I would need to manage it to be able to have a little money left over for savings.
Lastly
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,
students
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 are able to start anew.
This
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 means that
students
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 are able to foster and create new friends and to be able to have personal growth.
On the other hand
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, living and studying in a different
city
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 may have some downsides.
One
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 of the downsides is that
students
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 may lack emotional
support
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. Since family is a system which an individual can mainly get emotional
support
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 from, having a family away can significantly decrease emotional
support
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 as they would not be able to physically see
one
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's stress.
For example
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, since I was studying in a different
city
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, my mother was not able to give her full emotional
support
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 and was only giving me tips on how to handle it as she was not able to travel to the
city
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 as it is quite far from where we live. In conclusion, living and studying in another
city
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 is beneficial for
one
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's personal growth and developing
skills
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such
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 as budgeting ,
however
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,
one
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 of the disadvantages of
this
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 is the lack of emotional
support
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 from
one
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's family.
However
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,personally, the advantages of studying and living in a different surpass the downsides.

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general
The essay covers both the benefits and the disadvantages of living away from home while studying at a university, and it makes a clear conclusion. To improve, try to ensure each paragraph has a clear single point, and that all points are equally supported with examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is solid, but it can be enhanced by making smoother transitions between ideas. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next and make more explicit connections between points.
task achievement
Some examples provided, like the personal anecdote about budgeting, work well to support the points. However, consider adding more varied types of evidence such as statistical data, expert opinions, or real-life examples to strengthen the argument further.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion which helps the reader understand the overall argument and main points.
task achievement
Personal examples are used to illustrate points, which help to make the essay more relatable and grounded.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
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