IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities? To what extent do you agree?

Providing
sports
Use synonyms
 and entertainment amenities by
companies
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 has become a topic that has been growing in recent years. In my opinion, it is highly beneficial when
companies
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 invest in these areas. I will discuss my ideas in
this
Linking Words
 essay. It is my view that
companies
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 should take an active role in supporting societies by offering access to
sports
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 and recreational facilities, which can significantly improve healthier lifestyles among residents, especially in urban areas where green spaces might not be available.
For instance
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, a company that sets up a local
sports
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 field or gym can encourage people to engage in physical activities regularly, which contributes to reducing chronic health problems like obesity and heart disease.
In addition
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, these efforts lead to enhancing the company's reputation and reflect their commitment to their responsibilities.
Furthermore
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, I strongly believe that social facilities provided by
companies
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 can strengthen social bonds in a community. When people have a place to interact,
such
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 as special events, they feel more connected, which declines isolation.
For example
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, performing monthly workshops or seminars creates not only a platform for learning but
also
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 for making friendships.
Although
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 the primary goal of
companies
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 is to make a profit, social well-being in the community can lead to having more loyal customers, which creates a stable economy in the long term. In conclusion, I completely agree with the idea that
companies
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 should offer
sports
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 and social facilities to local societies because
such
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 actions boost public health physically and mentally. These actions not only benefit people but
also
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 create a positive and lasting impact on the company's public image.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to each main point to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that there is a clearer transition between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the overall flow.
positive
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your stance, setting a strong foundation for your essay.
positive
The use of relevant examples effectively supports your key arguments about the benefits of sports and social facilities.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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