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Writing Samples /
Band 8

You are coming home late night and detained by police Department for a routine check(patrol). The officer on duty behaved with you rudely. Escalte the complaint to police Commissioner about this incident. In your letter Introduce yourself describe what happened say what you want police Commissinoer to do for you.

#home #night #police #department #check #patrol #officer #duty #escalte #complaint #commissioner #incident #commissinoer
Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing
this
 letter to complain about an on-duty officer. My name is Neha Singh and I live at Queenston Drive, Mississauga. On 16th December, I went to Downtown, Toronto to attend my sister's wedding. The ceremony finished at around 1 a.m.
While
 coming back from the 404 highway, I and my family got detained by the police department near the Narimon checkpost. I thought it might be a routine check because of the increase in crimes in the city.
Although
 I co-operated with the on-duty officer Sandeep Kumar, he made my family uncomfortable. He was rude with his tone and was constantly shouting at me irrespective of the fact that I had all the documents. I understand the importance of patroling but
this
 is no way that a responsible citizen suffers. I sincerely request you that please take some action against the officer so that
this
 doesn't happen with any others. Yours faithfully, Neha
Submitted by sandeepniet17 on

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task achievement
In the paragraph that describes what happened, you might consider adding even more detail to paint a clearer picture of the incident and how it made you feel.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains a single idea to improve clarity. The introduction and description of the incident could be split more clearly.
task achievement
You provided a clear introduction about yourself, the incident, and your concerns.
coherence cohesion
The letter has a logical flow and is easy to follow from one paragraph to the next.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is polite yet firm, suitable for addressing a complaint to a police commissioner.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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